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Disagreements are part of marriage and so whoever goes into marriage must be prepared to face marital arguments. Nobody "wins" an argument; you either win together or lose together. So it's better to work together to find amicable solution to any marital dispute. To promote mutual cooperation in the marriage, Islam has prescribed some duties for both husband and wife. "Women have rights similar to those of men over them in kindness" (Quran 2:228). Even though the husband is the head of the family, he should be kind, patient and loving to the wife.
The main task of a wife is to maintain and take good care of the husband. This include cooking, keeping the home clean, taking care of the children, protecting the husband's property and secretes and above all satisfying the husband's sexual drive. Performing these duties to win the heart of the husband is not easy and these duties have been equated to a Jihad (holy war in the path of Allah).
Imam Ali stated "The jihad of a woman is to take good care of the husband". This calls for the wife's affection, obedience and commitment to keep the husband, his relatives and friends happy. Prophet Muhammed said "The best of you among women are those who possess love and affection for the husband". The Prophet again stated "Any wife who dies while her husband is pleased with her, enters Paradise".
There is this story of a virtuous woman who before retiring to her room, will ask the husband if he desired her sexually. The husband was so pleased with her that he always prayed for Allah to grant her Paradise (Janna). Later when the woman died, her rival saw her in a dream, informing her that Allah had granted her Paradise for the singular act of satisfying the husband’s sexual desires.
A wife can create serious crisis if she denies the husband sexual intercourse without tangible reason. The Prophet said “if a husband called his wife to bed and she refused, the Angels will curse her till morning". Some wives use sex as a weapon to punish their husbands and this may lead to divorce or the man taking another wife.
God has given women incredible emotional power which they can use to create either Paradise or burning Hell in the home. The wise and God fearing wife will always go the extra mile to win the heart and mind of the husband in order to safeguard her marriage.
How does she do this? No matter how abusive or irresponsible the husband is, Allah has made the man the head of the family and the wife is exhorted to be obedient to the husband for peace and harmony to prevail. The Bible says "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the lord"(Colossians 3:18). She has to honour, respect and have a pleasant disposition with the husband, his relatives and friends. She must avoid suspicion, nagging and incessant criticism of the husband.
In Proverbs 25:24, it is stated “It is better to live on the cover of a roof than share a house with a nagging wife". Nagging, insults and complains will keep the husband away from home. Woman, don't be a lioness in the house, howling and breathing down on your husband and children.
Find room to discuss with your spouse any marital discord and together you create a loving, caring and congenial marital home. Remember, no one wins from a marital dispute; both husband and wife suffer pain and distress when there is disagreement. It's best to overlook each other's faults and find an amicable solution to the impasse. Woman, Heaven is your reward if you sacrifice to win the pleasure of your husband.
Finally, always ask the Lord to grant you patience, tolerance and goodness to obtain peace and harmony in your marriage. May the spirit of God turn our marital homes into Paradise.
