‘Deep or wide?’

If you think banana and groundnut taste nice, then you’ve probably not tried groundnut and pawpaw before. If in doubt, try groundnut with hot pepper. Your eyes will pay for this combination especially when the oxygen required to quench the ‘heat’ is not sufficient.

Did you know that a more faithful girlfriend is the one who asks you for one thousand Ghana or GHC2000? She is reliable. That is not to suggest that Ablavi who asks for only 30 cedis or below 200 cedis is not good o.

I didn’t say you are likely to be a member of a susu company without knowing. 30 cedis here, 70 cedis there and 185 cedis there can sustain a savings and loans company. Ablavi used to ask me for 17 cedis and 23 cedis 50 cedis; very weird. But she was very faithful to me. You see how selfish most men can be? You know you won’t marry Ablavi because you are already married but would want Ablavi to be faithful to you.

Hoooo! Shame on me, sorry, us! Won’t you allow her to also search and settle down with one boozeman? Yes, that is the mind of men. When we break up with a lady, our secret prayer is that she should meet someone worse than us. Is it the same true with some ladies too? Ah ei! Let me walk pass! God is watching me and Frances!

I thank God for taking me out of that peer game we call womanising! Some people don’t know that womanizing is a calling. Hehehehe! You say you want to bow to peer pressure. So I showed Gizo a place in town where he would get one easily. He went, met the gerl and didn’t know what to tell her.

At the end of the day he spent GHC500 on drinks and khebabs. He was so annoying to the lady asking unnecessary questions one of which is: ‘so do you like Hawusa koko with tea bread? Gizo is such a bad company er.

I am sure that gerl regretted even sitting down at the same table with him. He called me later in the evening to ask me what he must do. Ei, Awuchey, at 46, you want me to teach you what to do? Then the following day we met. I need to mentor this guy. I asked him to call the girl in my presence and say sweet things like ‘sweetheart, how are you?’ My introvert friend had a problem with this one too. When he called, the girl picked and listen to Gizo: ‘Hello, is that sweetheart?’ I could not laugh.

He didn’t know what to say but continuously repeating ‘is that sweetheart? I want to miss you’. Ey? Miss you s3s3n? I asked in him. Hmmm! The thing is a calling o, Gizo. Thank God another weekend is here and we are still alive. You keep eating meat and sugar by hat and don’t check your blood pressure regularly and you are still alive thinking you are the best man in town? Continue!

This galamsey thing er.

I don’t know what we can do about it again o. Look at the Prah River. This river used to be very deep and wide and the water, drinkable. Now, all you need is to buy tea bread, sit by the river banks, and drink tea from the deep and wide river. Matter close. Simple. If you are already thinking about something else that can be wide and deep, may the Lord God take control of you and wash you with His anointing oil and ommo. Amen? Amen!

Years ago my late father told me that mineral resources are in my hometown too though I doubted him. He said some decades ago, when some people tried to do galamsey there, it was the gods of the land that dealt with them especially knowing these activities had the propensity to pollute the water bodies. Could this be the reason galamsey is not happening in my hometown? Me I don’t know o, I am only ‘axing’.

Please don’t call me now; I am still sleeping. Ah!

Guys are bad. I just remembered the days I was a guy. Now I am no longer a guy; signs of old age have started showing. One of them is picking up the phone with the intention to call someone. The moment I try to call; I forget the name of the one I want to call. Man is growing. I am not that old but I still remember the days of ‘LT Buses’ face-to-face’ from Achimota to Kaneshie and Tema station to Nungua. Sometimes, they start the engines of these vehicles from behind the car! Many of these vehicles don’t have key entry; they just connect some wires and away to Kaneshie and passengers would talk saaaaaa! We have really come a long way.

Those were the days me too I decided to take a girlfriend. Look at me too o, on a mission to take girlfriend. Hehehehe! Young ladies, abeg when you visit a guy whose room has only a bed without chairs, please don’t wait for one minute sef because he has evil intentions. Go back home. Otherwise where does he expect you to sit? If you sit on the bed, you are on your own.

It means you have consented. In the legal space, you would be told ‘volenti non fit injuria’ to wit ‘no harm is done to a person who consents’! Me I tell you o unless you want to consent.

One such incident where I asked the lady to sit on the bed, I had a ‘wicked’ agendum in mind. I started doing my things and she hypocritically asked me: ‘what do you think you are doing’? as if she thought my intention was to fix a medal on her neck! Hmmm! Ladies, chair-less room with smelly perfume is a trap. Don’t be tempted to slap him because you can be charged for assault. Just lie down on the bed and cover yourself under the bedsheet and sleep. It is better to lie on the bed than to sit on it. Na swim you go swim o. Hahahaha!

If you have not found yourself at the wrong side of the law before, you would probably not know that in law courts, one slap contains one million charges. Intention to slap, one charge. Slapping itself, two charges. Slapping for it to sound, third charge. Slapee crying, forth charge. Slapee going deaf after the slap, you are finished. Slapee seeing stars after the slap, trouble. Slapee’s inability to describe how the stars look like, just faint because you have cause a serious damage to the slapee’s memory after the slap.

Woe on to you if they tell you to prepare for jail bcos of your expertise in slapping, start crying!

I got to know there is a cat meat cold store at Domi market and surprised to see the number of cars that come there to buy frozen cat meat. This is ‘cat artificial intelligence’. I heard someone was sometime ago jailed in the western world because he killed a cat and used the meat for pepper soup. What a charge! In the cat stock market in Ghana, shares can go up or down depending on how the market behaves on the health of the cats.

A healthy male cat (Joseph) goes for GHC60. If it is a female cat (Josephine), it costs GHC50. If it is single, please you can’t use it to prepare pepper soup. If it is widowed, consideration is given to the deceased husband (Joseph) for leaving his poor wife behind and she may not be killed, at least not immediately but it will happen. Glaucoma infested ones are free of charge.

Have a nice weekend and remember to go on leave; you are only as good to your employer so long as you are alive. Pretend to be dead from stress related ailments and see. The employer does not lose you; your family does! Take a break and go on vacation small! Ah!

Bye byeeeeee!