18 Ghanaians share their dark secrets in marriage

A number of 18 Ghanaian men and women have confided in popular Facebook's David Papa Bondze-Mbir to share their dark secrets.

The confessions which have been themed "Pandora's Box" range from those sleeping with brothers of their husbands to marrying with the sole aim of punishing his wife and many shocking revelations have gone viral on social media.

"“I was having an affair with my husband’s brother who is married. I got pregnant for him but couldn’t tell him. I wanted to keep it in their bloodline, so I gave it to his brother.

My husband married me because he bought into the ‘our pregnancy’ news. He did not know I knew his brother. Neither did his brother know about my associations with his brother.

My brother-in-law is not happy about our marriage, but who cares? We are all family now. Family is all that matters. My only concern is, my child’s father suspects that’s his baby, though we’ve not talked about it extensively, because I am not allowing that conversation to take place", one of anonymous women wrote to Mr Bondze-Mbir.

Read all the 18 confessions below

The TRUTH is, we all lie. We all keep certain ‘dark‘ things unshared. And the reason you might be holding on to that whatever-it-is, is of no surprise to me. They may range from innocent to sinister, but you are holding on to something only known to you. That’s why I made a request on Facebook this week, asking you all to willingly, volunteer with the SECRETS you think you are keeping from your significant other. I was talking about the little black and white lies we all keep to ourselves, to the more rather weighty secrets that we do not feel the need to be wholly honest with our partners/spouses. That peculiar information you are holding on to, so tight, but is barely surviving and struggling to be detached from what you know to be the truth and what is not…

That secret is what you’re about to read right now. I’d want to use this opportunity to appreciate all 18 volunteers. I’m grateful. -DBM

#Secrets

June, 15th, 2016

“I have a secret. We were seven guys back then, highly professional, yet very dangerous. We could be naughty as and when we wanted to, and a lot of the time we were dirty. We changed women like … Lol! It wasn’t a pretty behavior but we liked it. We could say the right things that these ladies wanted to hear, and they would always mistaken that for us speaking from our hearts. Lol! We learnt in our squad how to smooth-talk into a woman’s heart, and then after we’d gotten what we aimed at, crush their feelings and then, break it off eventually. We were all ‘talk’ and no action.

My wife was one of such targets. She was playing ‘hard-to-get’. She worked with one of my guys and had told us one time – when we had offered her a ride home, that ‘she would never accept a lift from foolish boys like us’. Lol! I remember very well what she said that day, and how rough she pronounced the ‘foolish’ word. It was funny to me. I liked to pursue ‘challenges’ like her. I told my friends that evening, ‘I was going to pursue her, marry her, have a kid with her, and then, dump her’. That was the punishment I was ready to give her for calling us, “foolish”.

I got every information I needed from her colleague, and I played my cards very well. She fell into my trap. We would be be married for eight years this year, and Dave, I still haven’t found the courage to divorce her. Lol! Until, June, 15th, 2016, when I fell very ill, I would never have believed I could fall in love. Lol! I’ve never told my wife that ‘I love you’ before, because I did not love her. I did not know what love was. A prayer she prayed for me on the 15th of June, 2016, the sacrifices she made for me until I healed, I could not understand. I still do not understand, Dave.

I’ve fallen in love for the first time in my life, and that was in 2016. I don’t know how to express my inner feelings for her. I wish I could tell her that I love her, because I really do.” – From RD

Way Maker… Miracle Worker

“Hey Dave. Good work you’re doing on Facebook. I also love your website and its cleanness. Keep it up boss. I have something to share: My husband does not believe in God. He doesn’t trust any word from the Bible. He doesn’t believe in miracles. Babe thinks everything that happens to us in this life is purely luck or just by coincidence; good planning and the right opportunities opens doors for us. That has always been his philosophy.

I am a born again Christian, from a very religious background, so being equally yoked with this unbeliever was a big problem for the family. You’d be surprised to know my reason for accepting his marriage proposal… He made me laugh! That was my only reason to want to marry him. I liked him, but it wasn’t the ‘love’ likeness to inspire marriage. The mere thought that he could make me laugh till I couldn’t remember my own name made me want to spend eternity with him. He was my comic relief.

We’ve been married for 17 years now. Yes, it’s been that long. And we are blessed with a son. He is five years old. Dave, we were doing just fine even though we were hoping for a child. We had tried almost everything possible to get pregnant, but it wasn’t happening for us. We gave up eventually. In fact, I gave up first. It wasn’t like I was even taking seeds to miscarriage at a point – to console myself of not being ‘barren’. I wasn’t getting pregnant at all. And I had no past record of pregnancy or abortion to my name. It was tough for me, but my husband didn’t care. He did not let it bother him. He loved me, and that was all that was important to him.

Until I put to bed this baby boy of ours, I never would have known the greatest joys in life. I used to think loving a man who made me laugh was the best thing ever to happen to me. But no! Being a parent changed all that. The birth of our son brought this pulsating life and sensation to our marriage, and somehow, exposed a much profounder capacity for love than we could ever think possible. We wanted so much to protect this little boy and love him unconditionally, because he made us feel so vulnerable to some extent.

But all that became impossible for us when he turned three years old. A sudden sorrow countered the joy. We were hurt, and almost grieved his loss. We were left heartbroken and hopeless. He’d get tired and pale for no reason. And then there was that fever that wouldn’t shake. The bruises on his body, and the constant sweating and crying, etc.

Cancer of the blood!

My husband cried many nights. We had no real savings for eventualities as these. His salary wasn’t enough for the two of us. I wasn’t bringing in much either from the salary I was earning then. And to think of the cost involved when it comes to leukemia, we couldn’t have believed in the possibility of a miracle.

But there was a miracle!

A client from London, that I had helped navigate a deal, heard about my son’s condition, and just made a donation of $45,000 towards his treatment in the UK. Everything, paid for. I believe in God, so I did not find it to be entirely strange. I was praying for our sick child daily, while my husband was busy figuring out which banks to go for a loan. So when this news got to me, I arranged a surprise for my husband. I got a few trusted bank authorities to aid in wiring the money into his account.

Our son is feeling better today, and my husband is still battling with how all that cash could hit his account without clearly putting a name to its source. This experience has humbled him. He attends Church with us, anytime our son insists he goes with us. He has learnt how to pray, because a lot of the time, our son prefers him praying for him. He’s reading the Bible daily, and seeking better understanding of the scriptures online, because our son likes it when he presents the Bible stories to him from his ‘daddy’s’ perspective.

Each day with our little Angel is more than enough. Dave, a second with that boy is all one needs to keep hope alive. The cancer afforded us little control. However, being present with him, through it all proved to be what our family needed to survive. And we survived, and are surviving. I will never disclose the source of that money to my husband. This secret, I’m willing to take to the grave.” – From IH

Tricked (By Makeup)

“Hi Dave. My secret is my wife is not beautiful to me without makeups. I didn’t know all this then. I was moved by what I saw and chased after it. Waking up next to her in the mornings isn’t inspiring. She’s not ‘Ugly’. Just not the type I would have settled down with. I like beautiful things. I’m moved by what I see. Now that I’ve seen the real her, she’s not pleasing to me – even with her makeups on. I’m just tolerating her for the kids’ sake. I think I made a big mistake. I am not happy with my choice of a wife.” – From KK

Who say Power no dey?

“I never believed in Juju until I ‘worked’ it on my husband. He’s very handsome, and every lady’s choice of a man. So many eyes were on him and he was ‘feeling himself’ too much. It got to a time he did not mind if I did not check on him. He had too many admirers and options, I took offense. So a friend introduced me to this man who assured me of a permanent solution. I applied some stuffs he gave – on me before sex, and then the next day, he was all over me and contemplating on starting a family together with me. He changed totally. We’ve been married with kids, and I think I am very happy. I don’t know what happened or how all of that happened, but it happened to me. He’s a happy, married, family man now. Very hardworking too.” – From CM

Calculated Steps

“Hello Dave, how are you? I also have a secret. I am friends with one of the friends of my husband’s ex. I do not know the Ex, but had heard a lot of the complaints she used to make about my husband to our mutual friend. My husband is a very nice guy, has a stable career, and is financially secure. Above all, Dave, he is very good looking to me. His ex knew all these yet was not pleased with him. She was not content with their sex life. My sex life with my husband sucks. I fake pleasure with him all the time. I do that to make him feel happy, but he is not your go-to man for great sex and crazy orgasms. Aside that, he is cool. So while my husband’s ex was having an affair, I had gathered so much information about him through our mutual friend, and had positioned myself at the very place we met. I knew he was going to be there, but to him, we had accidentally met.

I wanted marriage. I wanted kids. I wanted to start a family, so I had to do everything possible to channel his attention on/to me. And, he started liking me to that effect. He’s happy he has a pretty wife. I am happy I got what I wanted. And about my sex life, I have an old mate who keeps my ‘G-Spot’ banging to climax. He’s married so it’s a ‘no strings attached’ kind of affair. I am happy actually. Ladies just have to be strategic in planning for their exact future.” – From AB

It’s a family thing

“I was having an affair with my husband’s brother who is married. I got pregnant for him but couldn’t tell him. I wanted to keep it in their bloodline, so I gave it to his brother. My husband married me because he bought into the ‘our pregnancy’ news. He did not know I knew his brother. Neither did his brother know about my associations with his brother. My brother-in-law is not happy about our marriage, but who cares? We are all family now. Family is all that matters. My only concern is, my child’s father suspects that’s his baby, though we’ve not talked about it extensively, because I am not allowing that conversation to take place.” – From NE

Smfh!

“I’m just playing on his vulnerabilities. He’s too damn f**king emotional. And he loves me too much for my liking. Smfh!” – From ZD

Until further notice

“Dave, sup? I like this your new survey because I am also carrying a secret. I am not happy in my marriage. My wife is all into me and the family. She’s a wonderful woman that any man would keep for a wife. She’s an excellent mother to our kids, great in-law to my family, cool friend to my friends, and all that. We are cool as a couple but I am not into her nor the marriage. I am unable to bring this conversation to the table to be dealt with, because I fear hurting her feelings. She’s too good to be left hanging. Also, I do not have any specific reason as to why I am not into our marriage, thus my reason for keeping quiet about stuffs, hoping things could sort itself out. I know nothing of me is into this marriage. I am just enduring and tolerating her until further notice.” – From KN

Le Hubs

“Hello David, I would like to contribute to the SECRETS series. I live abroad with hubby and kids. When I met my man, he did not have a thing but he was visionary so I took him like that. He’s loving. I respect and love him a lot but there’s something about him: He’s too ‘extended family’ oriented and his family members have picked up on this – so they are milking him dry. Consistently, they would call and request for things. Le hubs would know no peace until he’s heeded to the request. We’ve lived abroad for a while but don’t own any properties although we have lands we have acquired. What makes it annoying, my hubby gives to his family secretly sometimes and doesn’t tell me. This family is so greedy it’s unbelievable! Anytime we are in Ghana, they still want us to pay for stuff belonging to them. Here’s the secret: I’ve bought a parcel of land, registered it to my name and I’ve started developing it. Let him continue with his folly! He doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong.

If he comes to his senses and starts contributing, I’ll add his name but for now, I can’t toil for some lazy beggars called ‘extended family’ to chop!” – From GI

Mansome

“Hmmm! The secret I am keeping is a secret. My wife is my life wire. And I love her so much. I would never want to separate from her. Our intimate life is okay, but I’m beginning to realize that now because of my sex life with my male partner. Having sex with him is what I believe has built that intimacy between my wife and I. I know it’s a taboo topic but I’m Bisexual, and my wife does not know. She does not need to know as long as it does not come in-between our family life.” From RA

I love him

“That I love him dearly. But I cannot say to him. That’s my secret.” – From SLA

Preset …

“My grandma shared a family secret with me before I got married, and that’s what I’ve been applying since. My husband does not cheat on me. Whenever I am done preparing his favorite food, I place his food in-between my thighs for the vapor to warm my vagina. I say whatever I want to say when I feel the warmth of the heat inside me, while thinking of him. I have access to his phone, computer, email address, all social media accounts and bank accounts. I practically know his every move. Because he calls or texts it to me. I’ve asked him not to be reporting his whereabouts to me, but it’s like, he’s been programmed to do so by default.” – From AS

Possessing the main thing

“I’d want to share my secret. We are officers of a Bible believing Church in Ghana. I love my Church and everything about it. I care about my husband dearly, however, the Church is forcing me to change. I am in my mid-30s, with three kids. Dave, it has not been easy leaving everything behind to be following my husband to win souls. Since he was called into fulltime ministry, our lives have been spent in one village after the other. Every transfer is outside of the City. Looking back, if we had pursued our individual career paths with our educational qualifications, we wouldn’t be suffering as we are right now. I cried when we first got to our second station. The mission house, the car left for us to use, everything was/is a mess.

My concern now is my children, Dave. For how long are they going to live this kind of life as their ’normal’? Because I did not go to school for this. This is not the future I dreamed for my kids. This is not the kind of environment I wanted to raise a family. And you know the painful part of it all? My husband doesn’t care. He calls me a nag whenever I complain about our situation. It’s very unfortunate I’ve had to send in this, but Dave, I’m suffering. All my husband thinks about is our need to possess the Nations. How can he possess the Nations with an unhappy wife? Because I’m very bitter. And he’s acting as if he doesn’t see or hear my concerns.

I’ve refused him sex for months and this is going to continue until he connects with whoever fixes the transfers to get us into the Cities. All his age mates and colleagues are pastoring in Towns. Their kids attending nice schools and making decent friends. I don’t know who he’s wronged at the head office to get our family punished this way. This wasn’t my calling. It was all his. And until he realizes it, I will be denying him sex. If it’s going to take him having an affair to satisfy his sexual needs, which would automatically get him dismissed from the ministry, or me having one of my own, something would have to give. I’m tired, Dave. I am very tired.” From OF

Financial infidelity

“We agreed initially on a joint account, but I could not trust her. She had and has not given me any reason not to. I just could not trust anyone with the information of my money, so I kept a secret account where I have much of my earnings banked. The joint account sustains the home alright. A lot of money goes in there too. I use the private account for personal satisfaction: Girlfriends and another kid I am fathering outside of my marriage. I am not proud of this but such is life.” – From EQ

My mistake

“I was feeling very depressed and worn-out the day I mistakenly gave the wrong medication to our kid in my wife’s absence. Our baby died. I killed my first daughter. My wife doesn’t know because I made it all look like I’d come to meet her dead. We still grieve her demise. We’re praying for the fruit of the womb again.” – From EW

Hidden dissent

“I don’t know if it’s a problem with me or I just don’t trust my husband… because I doubt every word coming out of his mouth. Of course, I am pleasant in his face, smile to his jokes, and perform my wifely duties, be the mother to our children, support the home and all. I try! But the moment he leaves the house or is not in my presence, I begin to question his character and deeds and the unknown lifestyle he lives out there.

We’ve been married for some time, and I’ve been in doubt of him for as long as I can remember. Even while we exchanged vows, I was in doubt of his love for me. I don’t have proof of his infidelities but I know he isn’t being faithful. A lot of the time I resent him but I am not able to show it openly to his face. I am always quiet, and pretending as if nothing bothers me. Dave, he bothers me. I don’t trust him one bit, and I fear I might someday do something and regret later. Sometimes I am tempted to believe he thinks he can read me so well, and that, he knows me like he knows himself. I have so much respect for my in-law and the love she showers on my kids. She is the reason I am always on my cool. My mother inspires the cool in me also. But I don’t know for how long I would continue tolerating this pent-up feeling.” – From GS

Forward ever backwards ever

“Good evening, Dave. I want this only published under anonymity. The night before my wedding day, I made love with my ex-boyfriend. He is married with kids, but I still love him. I’ve always loved him. I learnt about true love from my experience with him. I learnt kindness from his kindness. I show appreciation in life today because he appreciated the very grounds I walked on. It was my choice to end things with him because I needed to start a family of my own. My husband is awesome. I am in love with him, but I’d be lying if I told you I’ve been able to get over my ex. We still keep in touch on phone and I sometimes miss our times together.

One of our wedding presents was a brand new car given to my husband, from an unknown giver. There was also a huge sum of money in an envelope from that same person, addressed to me. It was from my ex. My husband does not know. Anytime I see him smiling and taking good care of his car, I feel uneasy. I get excited for him for being excited about his car, but I feel something else. Maybe guilt! I love both men, Dave. Sometimes I’d want to wish to be able to keep both. My ex asked me last year whether he could move on to find a new woman, I said, ‘No!’

Dave, what’s happening to me? Because I can’t let him go. I know for sure I will not sleep with him again while married to my husband, but Dave, why am I unable to allow him to live his life? I cry a lot in the office when I am alone. My husband has begun sensing something being wrong with me, but I cannot open up. That’s my secret: The joy of my husband owning his car and my inability to let the past go just like that.” – From VL

In the silence

I’ve been HIV+ for the past nine months. I don’t want to destroy our perfectly good marriage by telling my wife the truth, that’s why I’ve been quiet about it. If she finds out, fine. I would own up to my deeds and apologize. If she doesn’t, we live or die together. I’m not on any medications yet, because I don’t want to be unfair to my wife. Keeping this secret is already unfair, but Dave, I can’t bear the consequences of telling her the truth. She doesn’t deserve this tragedy.” – From TS