A woman to love and behold - My apologia to Aba

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher”. Whenever I ponder about this quote of Socrates, I begin to think about who the good wife actually is. What do good women do? What makes a good woman different? How do these good women look like?

When we were young, the thought of getting married was never a second thought. We made a number of female friends whom we never thought about anything like a relation of the sensual nature. However, as years keep flying and adulthood seems to be almost passing by, the internal feeling and the social pressure of getting a better-half have become an issue worth thinking about. Issues of past irrelevance has thus been replaced by subject matters of a necessity today. Indeed, the time has a way of showing us what really matters.

The changing patterns of our society, as well as behaviors, has made it increasingly difficult to define who that ideal woman is. However, there are some elements that no man in the current twenty-first century will ever let go of a woman who is worth home of a kind. What this essay, to that potential queen of my heart, seeks to achieve are just two; (1) An agenda to remind most women of what really matters in life, as well as give them a reason to rethink their existence (2) What every reasonable man will seek for his home, but not his room.

So, dear Aba, I must frankly admit to you that I have trust issues. Yesterday I had a conversation with someone who has been a brother to me for ages. He spoke so passionately about how his girlfriend jilted him for reasons he never got the opportunity to hear. Actually, that was his first. He told me how he treated his woman and made sure everything was okay for her. In fact, I am a witness to some of the good times they both had because I had knowledge of their relationship and have been around them for quite sometime before the incident.

Recent information we got was that the girl had gone back to date with her ex-boyfriend. In her last message to my brother, she texted “You’ve been a good guy, and I will forever be grateful to you. I had a reason to believe that you were the one made for me but as it stands now, I will advise you to move on in life without me. I wish you the best”. So Dear Aba, if it is possible for a man to be jilted for no known wrong done, how can I predict our next ten years should we be married?

What is your relationship with your ex-boyfriend now? I really side with Manasseh Azure in his reasons why his wife cannot be friends with her ex-boyfriend. The reason is simple: Old woods really do light the greatest flame, and as we really do live in an unfair world, I cannot trust you until this issue is drastically dealt with.

Dear Aba, most ladies of today are getting crazy with something they call “Slay Queen”, and I hope you share the same thought as I do if I say “getting crazy”. They put on half-naked dresses and pose for the cameras. They twerk to the cameras and upload them on their social media accounts just to get more likes and sassy comments from their feather mates. This ladies love to be called sexy and sleek, than matured and intellectuals. Dear Aba I’m sorry, if this is the kind of life you are also living, then I must say that I’m very disappointed in you. I don’t really care how bad your upbringing was or which home you are coming from, whether broken or patched. In this age of increased knowledge of good and evil, you ought to know what really matters in life. I’m busy working hard and looking for opportunities that could make the future secured and comfortable for us, and if you aren’t doing same wherever you are, then there is no hope of us ever meeting.

Dear Aba, I grew up in a family were mommy has got much influence on all her children. Due to this superior influence, matters of religious nature are not negotiable. The Sunday church service, Tuesday women’s meeting, Wednesday prayers, Friday all-nights, church revivals and crusades inside and outside the church premise are seen as a normal and regular routine. Since I will certainly neither yoke with an unbeliever nor settle for a religious extremist, how have you been able to manage your Christian life? I am not saying you should compulsorily be a member of the choir, ushers, prayer warriors, or anything of the sort. I just want to know about your relationship with God. I won’t compare you with mommy, but somethings are just noble. If matters of God doesn’t matter much to you, then you aren’t really ready to settle, I mean not with me.

Dear Aba, how many friends do you keep? It is written in the sacred scriptures that bad company corrupts good manners. Pastor Mensah Otabil classifies bad friends as one of the things that destroys us, and I think you should listen to that preaching now on YouTube. With this, I don’t have a problem with the number of friends you have, but I really think what they feed you with is what matters. The lessons I learnt from home, and lessons with friends have taught me to love to stay indoors when I have nothing really important doing out there that will benefit me.

Therefore, I strongly suggest, without ever dictating to you, that going out often with friends is not a cherished act to me and I want you to consider what matters most, whether friends or family. While we may share in the same idea that there is nothing wrong with going out with your good friends, note that criminals, prostitutes, and drunkards also have people they call “good friends”. So, this becomes a matter of what comes out of the friendship and not the mere tag as “good friends”. Did you understand this?

Dear Aba, what is the greatest asset you cherish the most? Most of these ladies I see here are really teaching me a whole lot. Did you know it is as good to get the curves, just as being plump? Did you know it is as good to have an A4 sheet-like buttocks, just as those buttocks that a laptop can be placed on? Dear Aba, did you know that it is as good to have a lime-size breast, just as a watermelon-size breast? I wouldn’t talk about how your face must look, because the beholder is always the good judge. All of those things isn’t an issue of much concern to me.

My major concern is that your colleague ladies are placing much attention to their facials, the size of their buttocks and breast, and what have you. Dear Aba, please, what is your greatest asset to this our future relationship? Whiles you spend some time decorating your external self, how much investment are you making into your integral self like your character, integrity, courage, respect, maturity, intelligence, positive impact to society, and the likes?

Dear Aba, I wouldn’t be too much judgmental on this topic I am about to raise. I don’t really care about how you celebrate the seasons of your life, and I don’t really care if you have been stripped off your innocence for long or quiet recently. What I really care about is who did the stripping. Nine years ago, I advised a female friend to be careful about the set of boys she’s been hanging around with in my area. Maybe I didn’t put that advice right so it was replied with an insult. Well, till date we are yet to talk to each other. During that same era, I advised another female friend to be careful in the kind of life she was living with some boys including which was my own friend.

Since that advice was coming from an inexperienced love counselor, it wasn’t taken seriously. Last Saturday, I was told the first lady I advised was beaten in an Internet Café by his rascal internet fraud boyfriend, and other worse rumors about her which means nothing to me. The second lady is now a mother, and a worker in a guest house. She couldn’t complete her Basic Education Certificate Examination (BECE) in 2011. This two stories always bring tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. This could have been averted if they knew that a stitch in time saves nine. Dear Aba, I am not telling you this to show that you may possibly be in danger, but my advice to you is that enjoy your youthful season, but don’t destroy your life in the process.

Dear Aba, how did you celebrate your day on the 14th of February? For me, I placed some phone calls to wish the family and had some discussions about the day called “Valentine” with some few close female colleagues. During the discussion one of my very close female friend had this to say “The celebration of Valentine’s Day goes beyond the design of a bed or the desire of the flesh. It is a moment to give to others, express divine love and to put smiles on the weary face of others. Valentine’s Day is not to wet a bed due to the heat of passion and pleasure but to cool down each other’s fears in compassion and care.” Dear Aba, did you know about this? I hope you were saved. Or you were an accident of the day? I will find out from you when we meet soon.

Some feminist hold that the home is supposed to be run by both husband and wife. This means there should not be a clear cut separate responsibility for husbands and another for the wife. Well, since I am from the same school of thought, I wouldn’t really care much about doing the kitchen whiles you mow the grass if you can. However, one thing I wouldn’t forgive you for is your inability to fry egg and toast a bread for yourself. Dear Aba, how are you feeding yourself now? Do you always have to order from a service provider before you eat or you give your foodstuffs to your friends to prepare so you could both share? I don’t really mind because I could show you how to do all that, but not until you have proven to me how you’ve been feeding yourself all this while. Mommy will definitely need an answer on that when we go to see her soon.

Dear Aba, I am writing this essay because of my fears. There are a number of organizations and individuals who claim to be advocate for the rights of people like you, but who are in just for the status. They fail to tell you what really matters. Instead of educating or reminding people like you on the need to groom yourself right, they rather tell you the need to fight for space. Dear Aba, what I know is that if you distinguish yourself in what you do, show respect and love to all persons, when you are firm, and you really know what you are about, you will sail through.

Don’t compete with men, grow with them. Don’t look up to your own strength, look up to God. Don’t pity yourself, because nobody really cares that much. Be brave, be bold, be strong, and I will love you that way. Stay in peace and in good health my love. Until I behold you in my hands, live a good life.