Contemplations Of An Extra-Marital Affair: A Didactic (Part 1)

Life may be argued as being a stage with human beings as the actors. These actors are knowingly or unknowingly acting in one way or the other. It’s a fact of life that some people are better adept at the demands of acting having been endowed or acquired the right attributes over time. Some others try to play in an unfruitful way, roles that they are not carved out for. There are those who have somehow derived a false sense of confidence garnered from their past escapades that convinces them that they are somewhat ‘invincible’. It comes therefore as no surprise when such people exhibit reckless intrepidity without circumspection. History has never been generous to such people. Their ultimate end is firmly documented in the minds of those they purported to deceive for a season.

In this two piece article, I intend to tackle the issue of extra-marital affairs. I hope to bring a personal touch to the subject matter. I would also aspire to refrain from replicating the voluminous literature from the internet amongst other sources. It’s my quest that this article proves a real succour to my readership who can view themselves in the mirror of this discourse.

For the purposes of my article, an extra-marital affair is used to refer to an intense amorous relationship, usually of a short duration. That does not preclude the fact that it may at times be relatively long. It may specifically relate to a sexual relationship between two people who are not married to each other. Contemplation as embraced here denotes the act of contemplating; thoughtful observation. It also encompasses a full or deep consideration; reflection. These definitions form the bedrock of my reasoning and provide the thrust of opinions disseminated in this piece.

My targeted audience fall into four distinct groups;

• Group One: Those who have neither had nor contemplated an affair;

• Group Two: Those who are contemplating having an affair;

• Group Three: Those presently having an affair; and

• Group Four: Those who have had an affair in the past.

The broad audience above justify why this article is broken down into two parts to ensure that the subject matter is well dealt with. Part 1 of this article kicks off the discussion in a rather interesting way, with Part 2 completing the narrative and tackling the subject matter in a more in-depth manner.

For a long time, I had been a firm believer in the doctrine of passionate monogamy. Having been raised up in a very devout Christian home, I had been fortunate to have had chastity inculcated as part of my values. Such good values ingrained in me had stood me in a very good stead for many years. It was not surprising that I finally crossed the ‘line’ when I got married, as a way of consummating my marriage. Prior to my encounter, I had construed people who had affairs, or even contemplated them as either lacking good judgement or bereft of a smidgen of discretion. Marriage in my view was meant to be such bliss, reminiscent of the fairytale stories we read in school; stories that ended up along the lines of, “and they lived together happily ever after”.

In my marital life, I had been pretty careful about the opposite sex to ensure that I did not find myself in any compromising situations that would test me beyond my tensile strength. I had been impressively successful in that wise. Little did I know that I was yet to meet my real test!

With familiarity amongst others discounting rather than augmenting the consentaneity in my marriage, I failed to observe that this contributed to a chink in my armoury against any form of extra-marital affair. It appears that ‘opportunity’ seems to present itself to you when you appear to be at your nadir. It was therefore not strange when I enrolled for a course to further ascent my repertoire of skills that I did meet my most potent test to date. Previously, I had met women from all sorts of backgrounds for whom my resolute resolve to hold on to the tenets of marriage had remained absolutely and firmly impervious.

On the very first day of the course, I noticed this real head-spinner in my class. Not that it was a deliberate desire to notice but it was so palpable that this lady outshone the other women in the class by a mile. To attempt to give a vivid description of her looks would be an elusive aspiration. What I can say though is that, she was mesmerisingly gorgeous, captivatingly prepossessing, irresistibly attractive and stunningly pretty. For once, I subscribed to the myth that God must have spent more time creating some people than He did others. If the looks knocked me off my perch, her intelligence and achievements in life, were yet to further enervate and debilitate my defence mechanism with a view to render them porous. I was to discover that this was a real beauty with real brains!!! A further discovery I was about to make was that this lady knew how to speak to a king in a man.

I could not help but to really notice this lady and occasionally stole discreet glances without getting spotted. I did muse to myself what a real distraction this lady was being. For someone who had shown unbreakable focus to come this far, this was highly atypical. I unsuccessfully convinced myself that there was no way I should get close to this lady. To me, this was unchartered waters as the quaint feeling that I had for this particular woman was abstruse and inexplicable. I seem to have been enamoured by this ‘wonderfully’ made creature.

Suffice to say that there are times when a mouse goes a-racing after a cat. This was very atypical of the previous people I had met. It’s your guess who is the cat and who happens to be the mouse in this scenario. Is it not strange that at some points in our life, we are willing to make exceptions for people and let our guards down? Is this a classic case to corroborate the assertion “to every rule, there is an exception”?

By the third day of the afore-mentioned course, believe it or not, we had hit it off. The chemistry that existed between us was enough to set a whole city on fire. For once I seem to have lost my sense of discipline as to the fact that I should not be building ‘strange’ bridges with this lady who was also married like I was. I was unusually willing to do everything within my exceptional framework to make this lady excited.

For someone who had neither had nor contemplated having an affair, this new ‘friendship’ was proving exciting as well strange in a sense. It was definitely untested waters that I needed to navigate.

After a couple of weeks, I had to wake up to the reality that I was beginning to have divided attention. I noticed that this lady was becoming a part of my life at a very frightening pace. To portray the picture of not enjoying the attention that I was receiving from this particular lady would be an apotheosis of economising the truth. If I did portray such a position, it would have to be construed as lacking a modicum of integrity and taken with a pinch of salt.

What I did when I had the wakeup call is what motivates this piece and the next one. To avoid this account from being overly long, prudence suggests that I break the article into two parts to ensure that the information I intend to disseminate is done in the best way possible. It may sound like an anti-climax if you are getting drawn in my narrative. I would continue in the second and final part of the article.

In Part 2 of this article, I intend to cover root mentality as against branch mentality as it pertains to the discourse. I hope to present a detailed view of my thought patterns and what became of my new ‘friendship’. I would also attempt to present nuggets of wisdom applicable to the four classes of audience afore-mentioned. All in all, the motivation is for these two articles to enounce the findings of my reflection and pray that it acts as a didactic.

Credit: Dr. F. R. Silverson

Email: frsilverson@yahoo.com