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Are you considering dating someone with depression? If so, here are all the truths you need to know about dating, depression, and relationships.
If you have ever found yourself dating someone with depression, you likely have a lot of insider’s relationship tips to share. In fact, more than likely, you have come to the conclusion that dating someone with depression can be an absolute nightmare – but it doesn’t have to be, you just have to know what’s coming.
It is estimated that 350 million people suffer from clinical depression worldwide. Symptoms of depression include a general disinterest for life, self-loathing, irritability, lethargy, mood swings, hopelessness, reckless behavior, and loss of interest in friends, family, and loved ones. Not exactly great qualities to bring into a relationship.
But chin up, buttercup… all is not hopeless! Dating someone with depression can be fine if you are informed and educated about it.
It isn’t easy to love someone who you can’t always make happy. Whether you’re the sufferer or the mate on the other side, depression is hard – especially when you’re trying to make a romantic relationship work. So before you embark on a new relationship, we’re giving you some tips.
#1 Sometimes, you just can’t help
One of the most frustrating things to come to terms with is that sometimes, you can’t do a damn thing to make your lover happy. You could be doing everything right down to the smallest detail, and your lover’s mood still won’t change. [Read: How volunteer work can heal depression]
#2 You need to come first
This is pretty much the opposite what we *think* we should feel towards our partners. You need to understand that your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean to be emotionally draining… but it doesn’t change the fact that they are. That doesn’t mean you don’t love them with your whole heart, it just means every now and then you need to take a breather and do things that refresh *your* spirit.
As sweet as it is that you want to expend all of your love and energy on your significant other to make sure they’re leading the happiest life possible – don’t forget to take care of yourself, too! You need to have an outlet for your feelings as much as your mate does. [Read: 15 revealing truths about feeling alone in a relationship]
Go out with your friends, exercise, grab a drink, laugh, watch YouTube videos, make coffee dates, take classes, try something new – do YOU! The only way you can give the best support possible to your lover is to be the happiest, healthiest version of yourself there is. When you feel whole, then it is much easier dating someone with depression.
#3 Try not to take it personally
Many times, we hurt the ones we love, and dating someone with depression is no different. There may be times when you feel like your girlfriend is walking all over you or taking all of her depressed frustrations out on you unfairly. The silver lining? You’re totally right. She probably is, but it’s only because she knows you’ll love her unconditionally regardless.
Depression isn’t about you, it’s about her. So if she’s being unreasonable, just take a breath and remember not to take it personally. [Read: 25 sweetest romantic gestures to make your partner really happy!]
#4 Getting frustrated doesn’t make you selfish
Have you ever uttered the phrase: “I’m sick of waiting for him to be happy”? Hey, we feel you. Life isn’t easy, especially when you love someone with depression. And at times, you’re going to have some less-than-loving thoughts about your significant other.
This doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human. Dating someone with depression can be extremely frustrating, annoying, and at times you may even feel like a verbal punching-bag – but this too shall pass. Bottom line: you’re going to get frustrated, and that’s okay. It’s not easy dating someone with depression. [Read: Is stress ruining your relationship? 10 signs and quick-fixes]
#5 Depression isn’t logical
Think you’ve got the best slice of advice for your lover on dealing with their depression? More than likely, your girlfriend already knows that exercise promotes feel-good, depression-fighting oxytocin. And she also knows that open-communication is key to a healthy relationship. And that isolating herself is just about the worst thing she can do for her depression.
In fact, you may be saying the most profound, sensible thing ever that could totally do wonders for your lover’s spirit, but they’re just not listening. Why? Because depression isn’t logical. [Read: Cheer your girl up when she’s down]
#6 There’s nothing romantic about depression
So you’ve started dating a guy who says he’s depressed. Your translation? Brooding boy’s depression makes him seem ultra-sexy, mysterious, tormented, and romantic. The actual translation: your man is going to go through a rollercoaster of emotions and inner turmoil, and he’s not likely to let you be a part of it. Depression isn’t a sexy facet of your mate’s makeup, it’s just hard. Dating someone with depression means that it’s not always romantic.
#7 Sex is going to be a come-and-go situation
When your mate is suffering from the big D, the last thing they’re going to want is YOUR big D. When you have sex, you want to feel sexy, hot, and confident. You know what rips all of those erotic feelings away from you? Depression.
Be patient with your lover until they get back into the swing of things sexually, and always keep the lines of communication open. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]
#8 Your lover does give back
Okay, so dating someone with depression doesn’t exactly sound like an ideal relationship, but that doesn’t mean your partner is going to be a loveless zombie. On the contrary, once you prove yourself to your mate, they’re going to be your loyal lover for life… or something like that.
The point is, just because you’re with someone who is clinically depressed doesn’t mean they aren’t going to be emotionally supportive in return. They can still be super sexy, loving, giving, and have the amazing ability to make you laugh. It just means those rough spots are going to come a little sooner than you thought. [Read: Dating an anxious personality and reasons why it’s totally worth it!]
#9 Know when to throw in the towel
Just because you’ve emotionally invested yourself as someone’s support system doesn’t mean you *have* to stay with them. We’re not saying you won’t feel guilty if you walk away from the relationship. But it is ESSENTIAL that you not take on more than you can bear – and to know when enough is enough.
If you are sacrificing your own happiness in the pursuit of someone else’s, you need to reel it in and remember that you are the only person you’re guaranteed to be with for life. So in some cases, your happiness and mental stability has to come first.
Bottom line? There is nothing easy about dating someone with depression, but the endless love they give you in return for your patience and support is definitely worthwhile.
