Dear GhanaWeb: I couldn’t protect my daughter and I still live with that guilt

Dear GhanaWeb,

I have been married to my wife for thirteen years, but the truth is that our marriage has been filled with pain and regret.

When I met her in 2011, she was already a single mother with two daughters who were five and three years old. She told me her husband had died before she even delivered their second child.

At the time, I was also grieving. I had lost my legally wedded wife during childbirth. She died while giving birth to our only daughter, who was just two years old when I met this woman.

In a way, we both shared similar stories of loss. She had two children and I had one. I thought bringing our families together would give all the children a stable home.

My mother and sister were taking care of my daughter at the time, but my mother later suffered a stroke and my sister was preparing to get married, so I felt it was time for me to build a home of my own again.

After dating for just five months, I visited her parents and performed the necessary marriage rites. Soon after the ceremony, she moved in with me and I brought my daughter to live with us.

My only wish was to create a loving and stable home where all the children would feel equal and cared for. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

From the beginning, I noticed that my wife always chose her daughters over my child. My daughter was very young, yet whenever I was not around, she would be made to sleep alone while my wife put her own four-year-old daughter to bed.

She even kept separate bags for her children’s clothes, their own special bowls and utensils, and certain foods they alone were allowed to eat. Meanwhile, my daughter used whatever was available.

When I confronted her about it, she swore that she loved my daughter just as much as her own and promised to change. For a while, she pretended everything was fine, but I could still see the difference.

When my daughter was with my family, she was lively, playful, and full of energy. But after moving in with us, she became quiet and withdrawn. Sometimes I would return home and find her sleeping on the floor while her step-sisters were happily playing with their mother.

I started taking my daughter with me almost everywhere whenever she was not in school because I wanted her to feel loved and protected. When she turned five, she fell seriously ill with pneumonia and had to spend months in the hospital. Looking back, I believe the neglect she experienced may have contributed to her condition.

At the time, my wife was pregnant with our only child together, which would bring the number of children in the house to four. Because of the pregnancy, she refused to care for my daughter, so I sent my girl to live with my sister so she could receive proper care. My job was very demanding then, so I believed that was the best decision.

After some months, my daughter returned home healthy. By then, my wife had given birth to our child. My daughter was doing very well in school and had even been promoted ahead of her class, which placed her in the same class as one of her step-sisters. Unfortunately, that seemed to increase the hostility towards her.

My wife began insulting her as though she were an adult. Whenever I returned home, she would pretend nothing had happened. One day, my daughter told me her stepmother had called her a witch who went to the hospital and returned only to be promoted ahead of others in school.

One night, she went to bed and never woke up again. She was only ten years old. The autopsy revealed that she had been poisoned.

However, it was later said that my wife was not responsible because my daughter had complained of stomach pain after returning from school that day and had not eaten dinner.

That night, I checked on her before going to bed. She was sleeping, so I simply kissed her and went to my room. I keep thinking that if she had woken up and told me she wasn’t feeling well, I would have rushed her to the hospital.

To this day, I feel like I failed both my late wife and my daughter.

After her death, I wanted to divorce my wife immediately. But we had a four-year-old child together at the time, and that child became the only reason I stayed.

As the years passed, my wife also made sure her daughters understood that I was not their father. Now that they are teenagers, they treat me like a stranger in my own house. They do not rely on me for anything and sometimes behave as though I am their rival.

I still live with the pain of losing my daughter and the guilt of not being able to protect her. At this point in my life, I feel trapped in a home where I am neither respected nor at peace.

Should I finally walk away from this marriage after all these years, or try to endure it for the sake of the child we share?

FG/EB

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