Dear GhanaWeb: My biological father will not walk me down the aisle

Dear GhanaWeb,

My dad remarried when I was 14, and my younger sister was 10. My mum, feeling like an outsider in her own home, sought a divorce.

My dad vowed that if my mum left, he wouldn’t take care of us. True to his word, my mum left, and my dad stuck to his promise. Whenever we called for school fees or anything else, he’d tell us to collect it from our ‘proud’ mother.

He never supported us. Eventually, I grew tired of asking and stopped.

Everything was on my mother. Thank God for the church we attended. My sister participated in an inter-district quiz, winning a scholarship that lasted until university. This eased the pressure on my mum as I was the only one left whose fees she had to pay.

We grew up watching our mum work hard while our dad seemed to be living comfortably with his new family. He was very rich.

When my grandmother died, he refused to let our names or pictures be included in the funeral brochure as her grandchildren. My mum still made us attend the funeral. When my sister went to see him, he handed her GH¢20 to buy malt. I greeted him and walked past.

By the grace of God, my mum met a man who loved us as his own daughters. I was in my second year of university by then, and my sister was still in high school. This man, who had a son but no daughter, immediately became our father figure.

He filled the gap my real father left and did so much for us.

Further on, I met a man, and fast forward, he proposed.

We decided to get married the next year. He came for my bride price list, but I insisted I wouldn’t involve my real father.

I took the list from my stepdad. My fiancé said we should inform my real dad, so I called him. When I told him my stepdad had given me the list, he got angry and ranted, saying he wouldn’t allow anyone else to “drink his palm wine” while he was alive.

He refused to approve the marriage unless my fiancé and I came to get the list from him.

He then called his family head, who contacted my mum, telling her that what we did wasn’t right. They said even if I felt my dad wasn’t fit, one of his brothers could have stepped in.

I went to my dad’s house and asked him to count the number of times I needed him, but he never showed up.

Even on my graduation, I invited him, but he didn’t show up. So, he has no right to demand anything from me now.

Telling him was merely a formality, out of respect. Whether he likes it or not, I’m getting married, and his opinions don’t matter.

My stepdad said I should allow him to have his say. But my dad’s audacity to think he deserves to walk me down the aisle is beyond me.

I’ve told my fiancé that my stepdad will do everything. He’ll walk me down the aisle, give me away, and be my father-in-law. Any other man is a third party. As for my dad’s family, they have since been quiet while he mistreated us. None of them ever stood up for us, and I don’t want them anywhere near my wedding.

My mum called me yesterday, pleading that I should forgive my dad. She said that no matter what, he is still my father. But this man put us through so much trauma. I can’t even stand to be in his presence.

I’ve thought about this thoroughly, but I honestly need to heal. My fiancé is also begging me to forgive him, but it’s not easy. How do I heal from this trauma? I’ve lived with this my whole life, so I don’t even know where to begin. Should I listen to my mother and fiancé?

FG/EB

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