Dear GhanaWeb: My father insists I shouldn’t get married, he wants me to just have kids

Dear GhanaWeb,

I’m a 34-year-old man doing well for myself. I’ve always had the desire to get married and build a family, but ever since I turned 18, my father has consistently advised me never to consider marriage.

According to him, marriage won’t make me happy.

Instead, he has encouraged me to have children with women I like and simply take care of them.

My father often shares how marriage ruined his own life.

Although he never divorced my mother, he remains strongly against any man committing to one woman.

Ironically, he and my mother are still together.

They seem happy, he takes care of the home and everything else. But whenever I ask him about it, he tells me that he only stayed and made sacrifices for our sake, not because he’s truly happy.

Over the years, he has shown and told me things that made marriage seem like a loss for him.

Some of his frustrations are clear, frequent arguments, unfulfilled goals, a lack of personal freedom, and certain actions of my mother that he still holds onto.

He often says that if I choose to marry, it will only be to make a woman happy and comfortable, but my own happiness and freedom will suffer.

What’s confusing is that, despite everything he says, I grew up in what looked like a loving, peaceful home. My parents smiled, supported us, and never made us feel like something was missing.

I admire the idea of family because of how I was raised. But my father insists it was all a front, just the version of their life he wanted us to see.

Now, I find myself scared to even talk to him about wanting to get married. I doubt he’d be happy to hear it.

He has made it seem like there’s no real benefit in marriage, apart from having children.

I’m financially stable, I earn well, and I wasn’t raised to move from one woman to another. I’m content with the idea of settling down with just one woman.

Still, my father insists I’ll regret that decision, that choosing one woman will eventually feel like a trap, but by then, it will be too late.

He said if I ever marry, I must never think of divorce and should do everything to make it work, just like he did.

This issue has weighed heavily on my mind, and it’s one of the main reasons I haven’t married or had children yet.

Should I listen to my father and just have kids without getting married?

Or should I trust my own values and find a decent woman to marry and build a life with?

FG/EB

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