Dear GhanaWeb: My father’s lack of affection has traumatised me, troubled my relationships

Dear GhanaWeb,

After my parents separated, my father took custody of me when I was six, having already remarried. I lived with my stepmother during this time.

Two years later, my father brought in another woman. My elder stepmother treated me kindly, making me feel as though I didn’t need my biological mother’s presence.

However, an unforeseen event led to my elder stepmother's divorce, and my younger stepmother became the head of the household. She turned my father against me to the point where he no longer showed concern for me, favouring her instead.

She mistreated me severely, instilling fear in me every time I returned home from school. My father always sided with her, and I bear many scars from the beatings I endured.

After finishing senior high, my father informed me that he would no longer fund my education and that I needed to find my way if I wished to continue studying.

I began searching for a job, and one of my church leaders helped connect me to a house help job in Accra. I told my dad I had found a job and wanted to go to Accra to save money for my education.

He responded that if I wasn’t willing to stay and serve him and his wife, he would disown me. He said I was no longer his child and, if anything happens to me, he wouldn’t care.

I took the chance and travelled to Accra to work.

Fortunately, I managed to save enough money to enrol in school, but once classes began, I faced numerous challenges.

I secured a job as a waitress in a restaurant and worked night shifts, which helped me earn money to support my education.

After finishing school, the restaurant manager proposed to me, and I accepted, with plans to marry soon. My mother had no objections and was genuinely happy for me.

However, when my father found out, he refused to accept the marriage because my stepmother had advised him against it.

She insisted that her children should marry before I do. This dispute over my marriage led to my mother passing away due to a heart attack, which deeply troubled her.

After my mother’s funeral, my fiancé suggested we end our relationship if my father still opposed our marriage, so we wouldn’t waste each other’s time.

I calmly agreed, leading to our separation. A year later, I began to feel that all men resembled my father, and I grew fearful of them, preventing me from letting anyone into my life again.

I carried this trauma for two years, until one Sunday morning, I was taken aback when my dad called me. He reached out to express his remorse for how he had treated me over the years. I forgave him and decided to move forward with my life.

Six months later, I met Frank, who had a wonderful personality and was genuinely interested in marrying me. But I am too afraid, worried that I might face the same behaviour from him as I did with my father.

I love him, but I can’t seem to overcome my fear. What should I do, and how can I approach this situation?

MKA/EB

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