Dear GhanaWeb: My husband is stuck on his ex, yet jealous that I accepted help from mine

Dear GhanaWeb,

I recently attended the funeral of my husband’s ex-colleague, with him.

While we were seated, my husband’s ex-girlfriend showed up, and my husband’s reaction caught me off guard.

He had once shown me her picture early in our relationship, so I recognised her right away.

Based on the way he had talked about her; I expected him to be either hostile or indifferent to her presence but that wasn’t the case.

When she saw us, she came over to greet us, and my husband seemed visibly nervous and tense.

Throughout the occasion, he wasn’t himself, he looked pensive, and no matter how many times I asked if he was okay, he said he was fine.

I took a closer look at her, and I couldn’t deny that she was beautiful. That’s when it hit me, he wasn’t over her.

Her presence had reignited all the feelings he had for her, and I couldn’t ignore it any longer.

I decided to stay calm, not allowing the situation to affect me until I saw him subtly taking her number.

He thought I hadn’t noticed, but I did. At that moment, I couldn’t just ignore it. My conscience pushed me to investigate further.

Two months later, I asked for his phone, claiming I needed to run something online because I didn’t have data. While on his phone, I went through his apps, and to my shock, I found that he had started wooing her.

They weren’t texting on WhatsApp, but on iMessages, and they were even playing games together.

I screenshot the conversations and sent them to my phone so I could read them carefully later.

In his recently deleted messages, I found something even worse, they had exchanged nudes.

I couldn’t save the evidence directly to my phone without it being obvious, so I handed his phone back to him while keeping my composure. I read everything silently, seething.

Two weeks later, I raised the topic of his ex, casually, mentioning how pretty she looked the day I saw her.

He brushed it off, badmouthing her, but I told him I liked her braids and that if he had her contact, he could ask her where she got them.

He quickly dismissed the idea, claiming he didn’t have her contact and wouldn’t even bother asking his friends for it.

He insisted he didn’t talk to her at all, which made me laugh inside. We’ve been married for four years, and he can’t get over his ex? I decided it was time to show him that the game he was playing could be played by both of us.

I contacted my ex, who’s also married, and explained what was going on. He found the whole situation hilarious and asked what I wanted to do.

I told him I wanted to invite him over for dinner with my husband. The plan was to celebrate my ex’s promotion to PhD status.

Although my ex had already completed his PhD a year ago, we’d make the dinner a celebration to keep up the act. My husband doesn’t like my ex at all. He finds him arrogant, which is partly why we didn’t work out. But aside from his arrogance, my ex is wealthy and highly educated, and I knew this would get under my husband’s skin.

My ex agreed to organise the dinner and sent an invitation. When I passed it to my husband, he refused to go.

I insisted that I couldn’t go alone, especially since it was my ex inviting us. He started questioning why my ex even had the right to invite me to dinner, and why I was even talking to him.

I told him it came from a friend and that I didn’t actually talk to my ex much anymore, but others would also be there. After some back-and-forth, he reluctantly agreed to go.

The dinner was lavish, with a backdrop and décor that showed my ex had gone all out. I knew exactly why he did this, he had always wanted to prove to my husband that he was better than him. It brought him so much joy to rub his status in my husband’s face.

The entire evening was comical to me. My husband barely said a word, while my ex was lively and clearly enjoying himself. My ex even asked why I hadn’t started my second degree yet and offered to help me secure a scholarship abroad.

My husband, who is in the building and construction business, looked like he was boiling inside.

I could barely keep a straight face. My ex introduced me to some of his high-profile friends, telling them how great a woman I was. Initially, I had just planned to intimidate my husband, but by the end of the night, it felt more like ridicule.

Before we left, my ex packed a lot of food for us and even handed me his business card, making sure to do it in front of my husband.

He said I should call him about the scholarship. My husband lost it and told me to throw the card away.

I asked why, and he said that my ex shouldn’t think he couldn’t help me through school. I told him it wasn’t about that; my ex just wanted to help.

My husband stopped the car and insisted I throw the card out the window, so I did, all the while pretending to be upset.

The drive home was awkward. He complained about everything, and I stayed silent, mostly because if I spoke, I’d burst out laughing. For two days, he didn’t talk to me.

I eventually apologised, and when he finally wanted to make peace, he asked me to promise never to speak to my ex again or accept any of his help.

I agreed, but now I’m waiting. I’ll be taking his phone soon to check his messages again, and then I’ll decide what to do next. The game is far from over.

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