Dear GhanaWeb: My wife has had three miscarriages in four years; I’m losing hope

Dear GhanaWeb,

I’m a 31-year-old man, and I’ve been married for over four years. My wife is 28. Before marriage, we discussed having children early so we could raise them while we’re still young and energetic.

We planned to have four kids, at least for now.

A few weeks after our wedding, my wife got pregnant, but unfortunately, she lost the baby. She got pregnant again, and this time carried it for four months. But shortly after our first anniversary, we lost that pregnancy too.

Prior to the unfortunate incident, we were so excited, celebrating both the pregnancy and our anniversary with a party for family and friends.

Losing the second pregnancy caused my wife a lot of pain, emotionally and physically. Later, she was diagnosed with a medical condition, and the doctors said she may not be able to carry a child to full term. Some advised that she undergo surgery to remove a tumor.

But my wife refused the surgery. She kept saying she believed in God's miracles and that she would be fine without medical intervention. We kept trying and praying for divine intervention.

Last year, she became pregnant again. We were overjoyed, thinking God had finally answered our prayers. But she had another miscarriage, this time at seven months. I was heartbroken and didn’t know how to cope.

The doctor advised that we abstain from sex for now to give her body and mind time to heal. I agreed. But after returning from a business trip, my wife began asking for intimacy in a different way, requesting that I perform oral sex, and promising to do the same in return.

She said she missed me and wanted to feel close again, even if we couldn’t have full intercourse. I tried, to make her happy, but I can’t help wondering, to what end? We’ve continued like this, and now it’s become a routine.

Every time I bring up the topic of children or say maybe God is delaying us, she becomes emotional and withdrawn. But I can’t stop thinking about it, it’s been four whole years of trying, with nothing to show for it.

What happened to all the plans we made? Why is this happening to us? I’m not trying to sound insensitive, but I’m unhappy. My mother has been putting pressure on me too. She says if my wife can’t give her grandchildren, I should find another woman who can.

Honestly, I love my wife deeply. I have no intention of hurting her, especially now, when she probably needs me the most. But what do I do? Should I keep waiting, hoping she’ll get pregnant again? And if she does, what’s the guarantee that this time she’ll be able to carry the baby to term?

Or... should I consider getting another woman pregnant and simply support her quietly? I’m confused and I don’t know what to do anymore.

FG/EB

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