Feature: The battered woman

No amount of counselling can erase the memory of battery, no matter how long it's been.

When a woman survives and emerges out of being battered, having healed, forgiven and made peace with herself, she develops senses that triggers her into a state of defense or attack.

From her experience, she learns to seek out for signs that were once ignored in past.

She acknowledges and appreciates the good and kindness in people no matter how little because she has seen the ugly.

No! She's not naive or dumb, she's intelligent and calculated.

She's thoughtful and deeply engrosses herself in her thoughts.

Battery makes one either be unforgiving and intolerant or forgiving and open minded. The scars of battery psychologically can never be erased and for those who have physical scars as well live with the reminder for the rest of their lives.

Even when a battered women creates for herself a selective amnesia that buries the memories psychologically, the physical scars of injuries or effects of injuries are a constant reminder and all it takes consciously or unconsciously from another is a word, a sentence, statement, deed or misdeed, be it by commission or omission to subconsciously trigger a response of defense or offence.

Most often than not, the response is spontaneous and could be verbal or in action, without a chance of reflection before enacting the act or trumpeting words.

A battered woman is half broken and half whole.

She struggles with herself to feel worthy and not guilty.

A battered woman is not the persona of any man's ideal woman.

You have to do twice the work you ought to have done, was she not battered.

A man of impatience, intolerance, idealistic, informed and influenced by the thoughts and decisions of family and friends and not somewhat not independently and open-minded, will never find a battered woman worthy of society's standard.

A battered woman, has nothing to lose because the very society that has standardized what she ought to be as a woman and characterizes women unforgivingly failed her when she needed them the most.

Once in a while, intermittently, she sheds tears in the inner chamber of her room in the deepest darkest closet of her privacy.

Her pillow begs to be dried and aired in the open under the sun to rid itself of the stench of tears in the night that drips on it.

A battered woman who is bitter (doesn't mean she hasn't healed and let go), will never allow a man into her space, no matter how good the man is, regardless of his undying love and affection. It would take a miracle (not counselling) for her to trust he's not a wolf in sheep's clothing.

For a battered woman who has learnt to let go (doesn't mean she's not reminiscently pained), will allow a man into her space, appreciate his love and affection and little deeds, hoping that he's not a wolf in sheep's clothing but she's not stupid.

These two women have one thing in common, they've been battered.

And you ought to go the extra mile to assure her that, her present is not similar or closely similar to her past.

No matter what, a battered woman will rebel in one way or another, consciously or unconsciously, by commission or omission.

You just have to recognize that, her rebellion is not against you as a person nor is it a deliberate act of disrespect but a subconscious effect acquired instincts of survival mode.