Finding solutions to disrespect, abuse in African marriages vol. 1

Women, ladies, please hear me.

Men tell your sisters.

Parents tell your daughters.

A man who wants to marry you must be ready to marry you. Forget the total waste of resources that people call church and white weddings. That is not marriage in the African society. African marriage ceremonies are not expensive but are conducted according to the strength of the people involved.

Do not let anyone deceive you. In Africa, we do not sell our daughters, but the bride price is a must.

The event at the lady's house (where the father/family of the girl hands her over to the family of the groom) is not the man's responsibility to cater for, but that of the woman and her family. In the same token, the payment of the bride price and other commitments that come along with it is not the woman's responsibility but that of the man and his family to cater for.

A woman who gives a man money to pay her bride price has paid for her own hand and therefore technically married herself. The man has not married you. Beware of the consequences this is capable of bringing upon your relationship and future.

If you take money from a woman to pay her bride price, the woman married herself. You have not married her and therefore cannot be her head, glory or covering. You do not deserve her and have not earned the respect you seek.

In the same token, do not take money from a man to host him and his family when they come to marry you. When you do that you have given him the place of your father and the glory of your father's house. If it is chicken you can afford, you don't have to kill a cow.

All you need really, is palm wine, kola nuts, garden eggs, alligator pepper and well-spiced groundnut paste. Add kenkey or TZ to it depending on your culture. Every other thing is by choice.

When a woman yields the place and glory of her father's house to a man, whether with the corporation of her family or otherwise, she makes her father and family voiceless and must bear whatever treatment and insult she gets from the man's house. No matter how rich the groom is, do not sell your family cheap.

These are spiritual things. Do not trade your destiny for a two-hour showoff.