How I broke up with a boyfriend I’ve never met before

There was this guy on my timeline who always commented on the post I made. I could write only a dot and bet that he would comment on it and sure he would. He wasn’t the boring type. Everything he said was funny so in the end, we would make a long thread of comments under my post, laughing and teasing each other over some silly unimportant things. People who make you laugh have a way of eating slowly into your heart. You don’t realize it but slowly you let your guard down and let them in because the heart’s desire is to surround itself with things that bring cheers to the table.

One day, I went into his inbox and threw a digital wave. All day he didn’t wave back. I said hello but he didn’t say hello back. “Maybe he doesn’t go into his inbox,” I thought. I made a post that day, thinking he would come around so I tell him to check his inbox. I made five different posts that day and this my friend didn’t come along to comment. “What’s happening?” For close to two months I didn’t see him on my timeline. I checked his timeline every day to see if there had been activity there but nothing. “Or he has left Social media?”

All my life, I didn’t think I could miss someone I hadn’t met before. I started missing him. If I took the cheer he brought on my timeline for granted, that day, I began to appreciate it more. One morning I checked my messenger and he had waved and had said hello too. I said, “Awww there he comes.” Young man, where have you been. How could you disappear like that?” He said, “It’s work oooo. I’m doing this project with a certain NGO in the Northern region. Reception here is very bad and the work is too demanding I hardly get time to be here. Forgive me.” Then he asked, “Did you miss me?” I said, “I was only wondering where you’ve been.

From then on, the conversation left my timeline into the DM. We exchanged contacts and called each other often. Somedays I don’t get to talk to him because of a bad network but when I finally do, we could speak for hours on end. He proposed and I said yes immediately. My first question was, “When are you coming to Accra? I can’t wait to see you.” He said, “As soon as the project is over, I will take some days off and visit you.”

A week later, Accra was locked down. That day I sent him a message and it took three days for him to respond. I got a little bit upset. I said, “Dear, Accra is on lockdown. Life is at a standstill but the one who could bring smiles to my lips doesn’t answer my text until three days later. How do you expect me to survive this lockdown?” He answered, “It’s work. It’s bad reception. I wish I could do better than this but these problems are beyond me.” That day, we did a video call for the first time and boy I was on top of the moon. If I didn’t know what made me fell for him, that day I got two more reasons to fall deeper; His lips. How clean his beards look and the dazzle in his eyes each time he smiled. He was charming.

I asked him, “Can we have a video call each night? Like we are doing right now?” He said, “Why not? Who wouldn’t like to see a pretty face like yours each night?” Guess what…It took us one week to be able to have a video call again. Bad network. Tedious work. The sun that never stops to shine in the North. These were the reasons. I said, “Dear Caleb, I’m beginning to suspect you. Do you have a girlfriend there that’s keeping you busy? She comes around and you don’t want to talk to me?” That day we both got angry and we fought. When I finish telling him my mind, I cut the call. He called me several times, I didn’t pick. He sent me a message calling me clingy and insecure.

The next morning I missed him but I wasn’t going to call him. He should be a man enough and be the first to call to apologize. All-day he didn’t call until the evening I saw his call on my phone. When I picked he said, “Are you still angry?” I said, “Yes, I’m still angry.” He asked, “Can your anger bake me a loaf of bread? I have milo, I don’t have bread.” I said, “Hw? ne ho bi.” We both burst out laughing. Problems solved. We came back to our loving ways where he called me pretty and I teased his beard.

The lockdown left me depressed, I guess. The rate at which I wanted to talk to him each time and see his face was beyond my own understanding. I’m a tough girl. I fall in love but not too deep to be picking silly fights. To make matters worse, after the lockdown, I was asked to work from home. I needed him but a bad network and tedious work came between us. One night he promised he was going to call me one video. I waited. I saw him online but he never said hello or anything. I called him on video. He didn’t pick. I called him on phone, he didn’t pick. I sent him a message; “I’m going to sleep. Have a happy life and don’t bother calling my line again. I see she makes you happy than I do that’s why you’ll stay online with her and forget about me.”

I blocked him on Whatsapp. I blacklisted his line and slept—well I couldn’t sleep. I was wondering if he was worried about me. I checked my messenger if he had contacted me there but he didn’t. The next morning, I unblocked him, waiting to tell him my mind. When he called, he was laughing as if everything was alright. We had a fight again and I told him my mind. The most painful aspect for me was when I realized that he didn’t notice that I blocked him. I told him I couldn’t continue with him again because he brings me depression. That night, he apologized, he called me on video and knelt for me to see that he was indeed sorry. I forgave him.

Two weeks later, I called his line and a girl picked. I heard his voice saying, “Tell her I will call her soon.” The girl who picked the phone said, “Please he’s busy working on something. He said he’ll call you.” The girl said he was busy working on something but what I heard was, “He’s busy working on me.” I told the girl, “Please tell him not to call me. He should enjoy his life.” I cut the call. Thirty minutes later he called me. I said, “You always don’t have time but you have time to be with a girl and even allow her to pick your phone to tell me nonsense.” He said, “We were stuck…” I cut in, “Why won’t you be stuck. That’s what happens to guys who cheat on me. They get stuck in life and never progress in life.”

He said I’d cursed him. He got angry and cut the line. Our love was only three months old but everything was breaking apart and the sad thing was, we had not even met. Three days he didn’t call and I didn’t call. A week later I accepted defeat and gave him a call. He said, “I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m not doing this again. To the extent that you’ll curse me? Never! I won’t live with a woman like that. It’s better we end it when it’s young.” I thought he was playing hard small and later change his mind but he never did. One day I sent him a message on Whatsapp and it ticked only one. His DP had faded to a ghost. I knew what it meant. He had blocked me.

When I count my exes, I don’t know if I should add him or not. I never met him and I don’t even know him but he affected me in a way most of my exes never did. I miss him as I write this. I wish I could hear him explain what he meant when he said they were stuck—Stuck where? What were they doing that they were stuck? Who’s that girl and why did he choose to be stuck with her and not me? If one day I meet him, he will have these questions to answer.

—Mercy