How my boyfriend’s wife set me up for ridicule on social media

We had dated for four months when he finally agreed to take me home. Whenever I asked him to take me home, he gave excuses and I was also determined to see his house before anything else could happen between us. He said he lived with a brother who only came for a visit but had taken over his house. “Don’t worry, when my brother leaves, I will take you home to see where I live.”

One day he threw the invite, “My brother is finally gone. Now both of us can own our house in peace.” The next weekend I was at his house. It was his kitchen that brought a lot of questions to my mind. I asked, “You live alone and have this kind of kitchen? How often do you cook that you have everything here?” He said, “I told you about my ex. That girl loved cooking. She was the one who bought everything here in the kitchen.” Everything in the kitchen told a story of a person who cooked often and cooked for a large number of people but the explanation he gave also made a lot of sense.

From then on, I visited his house often. Sometimes I went there unannounced just to see if I would catch him with another lady. Whenever he wasn’t around, I would search through the house looking for evidence of another woman in his life. I found none. I said to myself, “It’s your mind, Maame. It’s your mind playing tricks on you. Just loosen up and enjoy this relationship before you destroy it with your own insecurity.” I tried to loosen up but my intuition kept telling me there was something I haven’t found. No matter how hard I searched for evidence to prove that he had a girlfriend or a wife or a partner in his life, I found nothing.

So, I let myself go. I gave it all away so both of us could enjoy what was in front of us and also look to the future with hopes and dreams. He traveled one day to visit his parents. It was on the very day he was leaving that he asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said, “You should have told me so I prepare. I can’t just pick my bag and travel with you for a whole week without any plans. I have a job to do so just go and come. I will go with you during your next visit.”

One week turned two weeks. Two weeks became three weeks until he finally spent a month there. I was worried. “Fii, you said you were going for only a week. What’s happening?” One day he said the mother was sick. The next day he said he was waiting to settle some family issues before he comes. The last time he said his parents were trying to get him a wife and he’s fighting it with them. One evening, I saw a message on my phone; “My name is Felicia. I want us to talk about Fiifi.” I asked, “Who are you that you want us to talk about Fii?” She answered, “I’m the wife and there’s something I want us to discuss.”

“A wife? Fiifi has a wife?”

She answered, “That’s the more reason why you and I have to talk. Woman to woman.” She called. I picked. She asked, how long have you been dating him?” I said, “I can’t say anything to you. I’m not sure who I’m talking to and I’m not sure how you came to know me. I can’t just talk to you because you claimed you’re the wife. Let me talk to him first.” She said, “Wait let me send you photos of me and him. We have three kids. I’ll send you their photos too. We’ve been married for seven years. I would send you our wedding photos too. If you want us to talk on video, we can.”

Just minutes after she hung up the call, the photos started falling in. I couldn’t believe my eyes. ”How could I be so careless? I’ve dated a man for almost six months and didn’t know he had a wife?” So I asked her, “How did you get my number and how did you know I’m dating your husband?” She answered, “He came to visit us in Togo where I live and work. I’ve had reasons to suspect him so I went through his phone. Your messages came up. You’re not the only one he’s seeing. There are three others.” The information was too much for me to handle so I told her; “Felicia, please deal with your husband and leave me out of it. If you have questions, ask him not me.”

I stopped the chat.

Minutes later she called. “Dear, help me. I want to escape from this marriage. It had been torturous for the past seven years. He had been an irresponsible husband and a father. Can you believe he hadn’t sent a penny for our upkeep for the past three years that I had come to live here? He beats me when I complain. You’ll be the reason for me to finally decide to walk out of this prison I call marriage. Take me as your sister and talk to me.”

I felt sad for her. I even cried when she cried. I told her everything. How we met and how we’ve lived our lives for the past seven months. I told him how he planned to take me to go meet his parents. The places we’ve been and the things we’ve done together. She said, “He has said the same thing to the other girls he’s with. It looks like a pattern. It’s a trick he uses to get you girls believing in him.” She sent me screenshots of chats Fiifi had been having with other women. I was stunned.

She said, “I’m talking to you because among the girls you’re the one who looks decent. It also looks like you’re only the one planning to have a future with him.”

I was so angry but decided not to call him. I knew his wife would be dealing with him so I thought I should wait until he comes to Ghana so I see him face to face and tell him my mind.

The following day, I woke up to see a lot of notifications from my social media. I opened only to see that Fiifi’s wife had tagged me in a screenshot of a conversation I had with Fiifi and calling me out as a homewrecker. I couldn’t believe it. I thought she had made a mistake so I called her number and asked; “Did you do it intentionally or you made a mistake?” She said, “I had a lengthy chat with Fiifi last night and he told me it was you who forced yourself on him. He showed me evidence and said everything you told me was a lie.” I asked her, “And you believe him?” She answered, “Yes he’s my husband so I have to believe him.” I asked her, “Are you okay? Are you the same person I spoke to?”

She didn’t sound coherent and everything she said sounded like she’s going crazy or something. I just couldn’t believe she could do that after all she said to me. I called Fiifi on phone. He said, “Why did you contact my wife? So you knew I was married and you played along? What was your motive?” I answered, “Me? Contact your wife? For what? It was her who contacted me. I didn’t know you were married so how would I contact her?” He said, “Well, I have to save my marriage and that’s exactly what I did.” I told him, “Everything happening now doesn’t make sense. I just can’t get it but please, tell her to pull down the post, or else it’s going to be a long day for us?”

She pulled down the post. She wrote a very lengthy apology saying she made a mistake and tagged the wrong person. That was ok for me but I was waiting for Fiifi to come to Ghana so I meet him face to face and tell him my mind. I never saw him again and when I tried to call, my line had been blacklisted.

To date, that episode continues to haunt me. How I was made to look like the bad one. I still think about the wife and ask why she changed her mind so quickly to support her husband after everything she told me. Was she lying to me to get information? Well, I can’t answer these questions for her. All I would say is, she deserves whatever she goes through as a wife.

—Eileen