Last wishes

"I asked my son what else their mother told them before she died, and he said, she told my daughter not to be under any obligation to continue staying in a marriage to any man who can break the ‘Forsaking all others’ part of his wedding vows to her. He also said, she advised them not to place any high-value on a marriage for the sake of ‘For better or for worse’ part of the wedding vows. She also told my son not to be an adulterer like me.

The last thing he said that I believe has changed me from the man that I was to this better version of myself that I am very proud of, is when he said, his late mother encouraged them to leave any husband or wife whenever they feel their marriages to these people has been ruined, damaged beyond repair, or even if they do not have the desire to want to try to stay with a man or woman who has betrayed their trust.” – AJ

#InboxMessages

“Hello David

I’ve been following your Facebook platform for two years and I must confess, I’d always been tempted to share my story with you. I am a classic African man – I am used to attention being siphoned away by other women. I love sex. I do love sex a lot and I had known for years that I was not a one-woman kind of man. I love women, especially those that turn me on. I love the flirt and attention when they want to direct it my way. I love the breast of a woman. There was no emotional consequence of guilt to my actions in the past. I always believed that was a part of being a man, till I killed my wife. Not physically, though my first wife is late. The pleasure I was experiencing from my lifestyle ate so deep into me that I could not guess the pain I was causing my late wife.

My daughter, who is now 16 years of age was supposed to read a tribute about her mother at the funeral. Instead of the tribute, she asked her Uncles from the mother-side to take her and the brother away from me because those were her mother’s last wishes. She told everyone she did not want to be my daughter anymore. She threatened to kill herself if they allowed me to take her home. Dave, she was just 14 years old. I did not understand why she would embarrass me in front of the families. She has not spoken to me since. She lives with one of her Aunties, and is being taken care of very well. My son, who was 10 years then, also chose to go and live with his Uncle. I had every right to take my children home with me but I made them choose. Every month, I give Ghc 1200 to each guardian to feed and provide for them. I have been paying their school fees too. My son agrees to meet with me sometimes to spend time together, but he still believes I ‘killed’ his mother.

I asked my son what else their mother told them before she died, and he said, she told my daughter not to be under any obligation to continue staying in a marriage to any man who can break the ‘Forsaking all others’ part of his wedding vows to her. He also said, she advised them not to place any high-value on a marriage for the sake of ‘For better or for worse’ part of the wedding vows. She also told my son not to be an adulterer like me. The last thing he said that I believe has changed me from the man that I was to this better version of myself that I am very proud of, is when he said, his late mother encouraged them to leave any husband or wife whenever they feel their marriages to these people has been ruined, damaged beyond repair, or even if they do not have the desire to want to try to stay with a man or woman who has betrayed their trust…

I feel like I have let my family down. We disagreed about a lot of things and quarreled like every other couple, but I did not see the hurt I was causing my wife. I have remarried, and I will never make that mistake again. I know what is best for me and my children now. And I hope every woman will put their goals, desires and strengths first, above all else, then place their children second – if they have, before deciding to settle for any man in an unhappy relationship. My daughter’s decision to choose herself over me has made me realize that, your primary obligation in this life is to yourself.”