Lifestyle: 20 uncomfortable truths young Ghanaian men must know!

1.It is not funny to spend your scanty savings, especially in these hard times, on clubbing and having fun in the name of ‘papping’. A young ‘papper’ will be an old pauper!

2. If as young as you are, you need Rockman capsules to boost your libido, even as an unmarried man, in your mid 40s you might need ‘life support’ capsules to do same. Boss, why waste your strength on women? Don’t you know they can reduce you to a piece of wasted tea bread?

3. If you can’t submit to God during a relationship, don’t expect your wife to submit to you during marriage. Not asking for premarital sex is submission to God!

4. Our young men must know that a woman won’t choose a Johnny Bravo figure ahead of a Dangote… even in the gym. Spend more time exercising your mind. Mind power will always rule over manpower!

5. Don’t choose your ‘bae’ (girlfriend) based on her heels. Choose her based on her skills. Heels don’t pay bills. Skills will pay bills and even buy heels!

6. If you are expecting to marry a ‘fresh’ woman, be very certain you are not any far from freshness yourself. Monkeys play by sizes… not wishes.

7. At only 20 years, you need Joy Dadi bitters to eat. When at 40 years you start battling kidney diseases, please leave your household witches alone. They have no hand in it. You are on your own bro!

8. Before you say to a woman “I do”, remember to have said to your dreams, “I did!”

9. Don’t treat ‘bae’ like a slave and expect her to treat you like a king. God created for Adam a helper… not a server. ‘Bae’ is like a mill. What you put in is what you get!

10. Mr. Young Man. Don’t waste her time if you know she is not the one… with the excuse “I’m yet to find that thing inside her.” Dude, do you want to find crude oil inside her!?

11. Don’t rush into marriage. If you rush, you’ll crash! Marriage is not jollof. Don’t fall for the deception that marriage will look good on you. Is marriage GTP or Angelina???

12. Don’t force her to leave whoever to be with you. If she can leave him for you, she can leave you for another him!

13. A boyfriend is not a husband. Don’t pay her fees. Don’t spend excessively on her. Don’t dig your untimely grave bro! A relationship is not an NGO! Tomorrow, may she leave you, you may threaten suicide. Guess what. She will come to you funeral with her husband, spoil herself with more meat and drinks… and not shed a single tear. Well… your death is your wahala!

14. You bought a promise ring for her in 2006. It’s 2016 and you are still buying for her more promise rings. Dude, really!? What on this Earth are you conjuring for this young lady that has been preceded by only promise rings for all these years? Are you conjuring another golden stool!!!?

15. Make sure you have seen her ‘real’ face, without make-up, before walking her down the aisle. Some surprises can be life threatening bro. And… I mean life threatening!

16. When it comes to buying stuff for your wedding at the mall, hold your bae’s hands. She will interpret it as romantic but you know you’re certainly trying to be economic. If you let her go, you may be used as collateral at the end of the day!

17. ‘Bae’ will appreciate it most if you introduce her to your parents… instead of your parent’s bed. Enough said.

18. Learn to apologize and also listen to bae’s views. Marriage is democracy… not autocracy!

19. Of all the things you may ever want to do to impress ‘bae’, bleaching should never cross your mind… unless you want to beat the record of one local champion of a boxer we all know.

20. Don’t marry her because of her guitar shape; whether bass or lead guitar. That shape has an expiry date. If you marry for flimsy reasons, you will divorce for those same flimsy reasons!

The writer is a playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications, an Accra-based writing company (www.scribecommltd.com).