Lifestyle: A new birth for your marriage

It is beautiful to fall in love and marry. You are caught in passion and have the highest level of emotional fulfillment where many difficulties may be ignored.

Sadly, for many couples the good feelings soon taper off as they enter a distractions stage when lesser attention is paid to the good things in the marriage and greater attention to the weaknesses in the marriage.

Men shift their attention to their careers while women shift their attention to their children. Everything in the marriage becomes routine and sometimes boring. Partners lose their sparkle, aroma and romance.

Some ask where the love has gone. Fact is romantic love fades if you do not work on your marriage.

Why marriages get rusty

Partners expect to live happily forever but soon they are faced with the realities of marriage and find they have not prepared adequately for what it takes to cope with issues like money, work, sex, parenting, in-laws and time management.

The situation is worsened if partners do not appreciate that men are from Mars and women from Venus. We see and appreciate things differently and conflicts become inevitable. Many recoil and leave their marriages on a thin thread.

Today global studies show that while 60 per cent of marriages fail, 20 per cent are lifeless with only 20 per cent making the mark.

Restoring your marriage

Put the focus on yourself

In marriage you are called by God to serve Him by what you do for your spouse.

See yourself as the limiting factor in your marriage and do all you can to make your marriage work, irrespective of what your lover does. Always remember it takes one committed partner to make a marriage work. Let it be you.

Your godly acts will impact positively on your spouse and he or she will respond in similar ways.

See yourself and your lover as good. Love yourself before you can love your spouse.

Also appreciate that nothing good can happen in your marriage if you do not expect it and work for it. See your marriage as good. Feel it and believe in it. Each day find out what you can do to make your marriage better.

Do not see your spouse as your problem and solution. Your spouse can never make you happy or sad. Only you can because happiness or sadness is a state of mind.

Choose to be happy and never blame your spouse for disappointing you, blame yourself for expecting too much from your spouse.

Be good friends

All fulfilling relationships are based on good friendship because whereas all other types of love fade friendship love stays.

Good friends help you find strength in God during the low points of life. Put your marriage first and be there for each other.

An African axiom says the man is the head of marriage and the woman the head. This means both husband and wife have different but critically important roles to play.

You must therefore play your divine roles well. The man must be a good leader.

He must love and honour his wife. A wife must submit and be a helpmate.

Speak the language of love

Make quality time to share all areas of life and make mutual decisions. Go out often. Speak words of motivation, love, hope and encouragement.

Apologize when you are wrong and forgive each other unconditionally if you hope for any blessings from God.

Appreciate whatever your spouse does even when you see as small.

Appreciation makes your lover feel loved and he or she is motivated to do even better.

If you appreciate your wife you will experience the magic touch of a woman.

Do acts of service

It is romantic for a man to help his wife to cook or tidy up your bedroom and for a woman to assist her man do simple repair works in the home.

It is also important to exchange gifts often because they are signs of love and goodwill. This means you do not limit your gifts to festive occasions or aim at big things.

For women the small things like affection and small gifts are the big things.

Make your marriage independent

Jesus talks about a man who planted a vineyard and put a hedge around you. You must protect your marriage against the intrusion of friends, in-laws and work.

Certain issues must be known to only you and your spouse. This means you never let out what you and your spouse discuss in private.

If you are unable to handle a problem, see a trained marriage counsellor for help.

Make your home spiritual centre Marriage is God’s greatest gift to mankind. You need to rely on Him to be a good steward in His institution of marriage.

Pray and read spiritual books together. Worship together and live by your faith.

Through your corporal and spiritual acts of mercy let your marriage be good example to your children, family and society.

Give your marriage a new birth

A new birth is a cleansing from sin that God gives to all His children who desire it by faith.

It is a sovereign act of God by His Spirit in which believers are cleansed from sin and given spiritual birth into God’s household.

It renews the believer’s intellect, sensibility and will.

It enables the person to enter the kingdom of God and do good works.

You have new birth when you respond in faith and do only God’s will in your marriage and family life.

On this festive occasion of Christmas when we remember the birth of Jesus who came on earth to restore hope to mankind, resolve to use this festive occasion to give your marriage a new birth by living your marriage only God’s way of true love by the sacrifices you make for your spouse, children, family and society.

Keep yourself in love by putting the happiness of your spouse and others above yours.

Resolve to love in new and better ways. This is true love, the only kind that lasts.