Lifestyle: Can lovers stop fighting?

Human nature is competitive, assertive, selfish and domineering and these attributes in relationships lead to conflicts. Conflicts may be physical, verbal, mental, sexual or social but the commonest lovers experience is verbal, which is normally referred to as ‘fights’.

Should people fight if they are in love? Are fights not meant for enemies? The answer is simple; conflicts are part of life and part of all relationships.

It is, therefore, impossible to be in a relationship without fighting. Therefore, the fact that you fight does not mean there is something wrong with your relationship.

It simply means you are alive, normal and in an imperfect investment.

Why lovers fight

Lovers fight for all reasons you can think about. Some are frivolous and some serious. Sometimes after a fight some lovers can’t even remember what they fought about.

We fight to vent, control or clear the air. Sometimes lovers fight to release stress. It is also a fact that some lovers feeling ignored fight to catch the attention of their lovers.

There are also those who fight because they enjoy the feeling of making up after a fight.

Nature seeks a balance. We are naturally attracted by partners who have personalities we lack because we hope a lover with a different temperament will enrich our lives.

An introvert is, therefore, attracted to an extrovert. A phlegmatic prefers a choleric and a sanguine loves a melancholic. Paradoxically, it is this very reason that causes most fights in relationships.

An introvert may think an extrovert is too loud while an extrovert may think an introvert does not show much care.

Fights will surely come when two individuals with different backgrounds, tastes, values, needs and aspirations come together to share their lives.

In a relationship, you think of your interest and the interest of your lover. Seeking a balance is difficult and you fight to protect your self-esteem.

Can you stop fighting?

All lovers in relationships fight. Abraham who was described by God as a ‘friend’ had marital conflicts and so did David who was described by God as ‘a man after my own heart’. Therefore, if you fight with your lover you are not alone.

In fact, most of the problems in your relationship have no solutions; you only have to cope with them. Therefore, do not worry how often you fight but how you resolve your differences.

There is no place where you can express your views, interests and values than in your relationship. Studies show a good fight with your lover may be good for your health and keep your relationship healthy.

On the other hand suppression and denial of conflicts have been some of the major causes of failures in relationships and holistic development of individuals.

Always remember that conflicts are neutral; they are neither good nor bad. If you resolve your conflicts well and forgive each other, your relationship grows in health. You get better understanding of each other and control more serious problems.

Do not attempt to stop fighting and do not leave because you fight. Keep fighting but fight fair. Watch where you fight and the words you use. Even in your anger control your words and never let your words control you.

In your fight your primary focus must not be about you winning but building your relationship. Save your relationship by using your fights as a message of love. Lovers are like porcupines. We want to keep warm by being close to each other but in doing so we prick each other and fight.

Loving and fighting are, therefore, woven in all relationships and you cannot have one without the other.

Fight to show your love and resolve your conflict in love. Your key to a happy relationship is to enjoy loving and fighting.