Lifestyle: Do you dialogue with your lover?

Studies show every human being has between 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. If we are uniquely different in our temperament and sexuality, then no matter how much we love each other, we will have different views, thoughts and needs.

In relationships, partners reinforce and deepen their oneness through effective communication and sharing ideas.

One of the most important tools in effective communication is through dialogue; spoken or written conversational exchange between couples.

Importance of dialogue

Dialogue is derived from two Greek words for through and words. Through it new perceptions are gained, new levels of creativity created and bonds strengthened because through it, misunderstandings and tensions are reduced.

In summary, dialogue provides better understanding and better cooperative partners in marriage. It is an important foundation for the growth of a relationship.

Suggestions for good dialogue

Lovers must respect and trust each other. You must also agree to engage in the dialogue and agree on set guidelines. Verbal dialogue, for example, consist of talking, listening and providing feedback.

In talking, first choose the right time and place for dialogue. You must also appreciate that words have the power of life or death in a relationship. Positive words prevent trouble, provide encouragement and promote healing.

Speak to uphold and accomplish positive things in your marriage. Speak the truth in love. Be honest but control your words.

Have a clear picture of your message. Your words must be concise, clear, complete and courteous. Season your words with love and watch your body language. Start with non-sensitive topics to reconnect and do not rush into sensitive issues.

Appreciate that words have psychic energy and therefore have the power of life and death. While positive words calm anger, provide encouragement and promote healing, negative words are like snake and may break your marriage.

The primary purpose of a good listener is to stay out of the speaker’s way. Listen to understand and not to think of replies. Listen to remember key points your spouse says. Show interest by verbally connecting with ‘yes or Ok’.

Listen to the tone of your spouse, his or her body language and the feeling that lies behind those words. Ask questions for clarification and provide non-verbal feedback such as a nod. Smile or frown to show you hear, understand and accept what your lover says even when you disagree.

Before you answer, decode what you hear by interpreting it wisely. Consider the feelings, attitudes and values of your spouse as he or she sends a message. Show love and respect by encoding your words and answering wisely.

Take turns to talk and focus on common interests. If only one partner is always talking and the other is always quiet, the dialogue becomes one-sided and stale.

Do you dialogue with your lover?

Good dialogue is the foundation of a healthy marriage. With increasing rate of relationship breakdown, divorce, separation and loneliness in marriage, dialogue between lovers is more important today than ever.

Spot opportunities for dialogue and make time for it whether at home together or separated through modern technology such as email, WhatsApp, twitter etc, Pope Francis in a message on dialogue says ‘meeting each other, seeing each other face-to-face, exchanging embraces of peace and praying for each other are all essential aspects of our journey towards restoration of full communion.’

The message is simple; make dialogue a ritual in your relationship because it keeps your marriage strong and healthy. Talk about interests, plans for the future, memories of childhood, politics and jokes or ‘toli’ in town.

Talk of your sexual life and what you learn each day. Dialogue to have your feelings and thoughts heard and understood. Dialogue to learn new things, sort out issues and reach better understanding of each other.

To have effective dialogue, let your conversation be always full of grace seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth but only that which is helpful to build your spouse and marriage.

Be sound in speech beyond reproach. Speak the truth always and in love.

Keep talking to your lover to connect and think together as one.