Lifestyle: Do you hit back at your lover?

Some three years ago, a young woman in a relationship with a man of her dreams visited him unannounced and found him in bed with her closest friend.

They were so engrossed that they didn’t know somebody was watching.

This young woman was greatly hurt and planned a pay back. She also went to sleep with her boyfriend’s closest friend.

Initially, she felt it was a good pay back but later she confessed that she had been haunted ever since and feels she must confess to her boyfriend to have inner peace.

Why revenge?

Today many nations, societies and families and relationships are at war and will strike back at the least provocation.

Many live by the principle ‘you do me I do you’ and hit back when offended. This is because human nature is selfish and competitive.

The heart of man is wicked and full of evil. We war within ourselves and want to protect ourselves and achieve our goals. Many are unable to deal with the realities of relationships that conflicts and hurt are inevitable.

Therefore, when we feel hurt, ignored, cheated, abused or embarrassed, we are tempted to pay back to show we are strong.

There are also those who enter into relationships with emotional baggage. They feel they may fail again and think the best way of defence is attack at the least sign of provocation.

By doing this, they attempt to heal their past emotional pains.

Some ways of revenge

Some lovers ignore their partners and develop negative confirmation that a lover cannot do anything good.

Some withhold their responsibilities; a man may refuse to give ‘chop money’ while some women use sex as a weapon.

They sleep in ‘khaki trousers’ to prevent their men from getting close to the ‘strong room’.Some partners shift their attention to their personal interest.

A man may focus on his work, leave home early in the morning and get back late. While a woman may nag at her man, a man who is stronger may be physical on his woman.

Many spouses get into infidelity to pay back the harm done them by their spouses.

In all cases of revenge, communication breaks down and partners become intolerant, critical, irritable and abusive just to get even on harm done them.

Effect of revenge

Revenge is a powerful emotion that may lead you to bitterness, irritability and aggression and hit back in many ways. Initially, revenge may make you feel powerful , justified and satisfied.

You feel vindicated to see your offender suffer for the harm done you but soon revenge gives you a feeling of disappointment, sadness and guilt.

It puts you in a prison you have built for yourself and ties you more to your past emotional pain. You hurt yourself more than anyone else.

Revenge is, therefore, never sweet because it never solves a problem. It is the problem because its effects far outweigh the momentary satisfaction. Two wrongs never make right.

Psychologists assert that revenge takes so much energy that the human body can’t handle it. God who created and knows us says we must leave revenge to Him.

It is only God who can decide to take revenge on our behalf. Leave the decision to Him. We must also appreciate that there are at least 37 verses in the bible that warn us against revenge

Do you hit back at your lover?

A boomerang consists of two wings connected together in one banana-shaped unit. Each wing is shaped as an airfoil. When thrown, each wing rotates in circular paths and this creates airflow over the wings and this creates lifts on both arms.

When thrown correctly, it turns around and back to its thrower. This is exactly how revenge works. When you take revenge on someone, especially a spouse who is one flesh with you, your actions come back to harm you and even more.

Revenge comes back to you at great cost to your physical, emotional and spiritual make-up and may spill over to your family and society. All who draw the sword will die by the sword.

Today, revenge appears a popular option but lovers must resolve to be different and better. Resolve to replace revenge with forgiveness and create contentment out of every situation in your relationships, marriage, family, work place, church and society and be at peace with yourself.

Each day, no matter your provocation, hurt, disappointment, learn to say no to revenge because revenge prevents you from seeing the beauty of true love which is a gift of self-sacrifice to make others better.

Never hit back at your lover but keep showing sacrificial love even when it hurts. Keep loving through thick and thin. Say no to revenge, especially to your lover because it makes you suffer separately and jointly.