Lifestyle: It’s men’s job to get rid of the used condoms

Sharon Gordon, a South African columnist, thinks that it is the sole responsibility of men to get rid of used condom after sexual activity.

She made the claim in her latest list of manners that make up sexual etiquette, published in the Saturday Star on October 15.

She was, however, silent on whether women can also play a role in getting rid of used condoms.

Below is her list of manners that make up sexual etiquette culled from the Saturday Star:

You know the saying “manners maketh the man”? I believe it to be true for every aspect of our life. I’m particularly fussy about table manners (lick your knife and you die) and let’s call it sexual etiquette. My partner and I were discussing manners after a traumatic restaurant experience and I wondered if sexual etiquette had changed through the years. Do matters still apply?

I asked him if he thought it would be appropriate to laugh during a first sexual experience. He felt it was definitely okay to laugh but unacceptable to laugh and point!

So here’s my list of manners that make up sexual etiquette:

Top of my list is hygiene. Be groomed, brush your teeth and wash your hands. If you’re going to be stroking my tits, best your hands be clean and your nails trimmed. Have a shower if necessary and as aside note don’t think your partner’s shower is an invitation to join them. Chances are they want to do things they don’t want you to see.

Don’t spit! Not ever! It’s rude. Rather be prepared and keep a bottle of lube in close proximity.

Always assume condoms will be a requirement, so make sure you are prepared. There is nothing worse than being all ready to go with no condoms. I think it’s the man’s job to get rid of the used condom.

Don’t rip clothes. I know it looks fantastically sexy in the movies but chances are you wore your favourite outfit and now some idiot is going to tear it. Just no.

Answer your phone on the short strokes at your peril. Allowing interruptions is incredibly rude except if it’s the cat clawing your ass. Then by all means eject the cat.

Expect to be bitten if you push her head down to your groin and never penetrate the anus without a discussion and express permission. “oops, sorry” is not an appropriate response.

The same goes for a surprise ejaculation. If she knows it’s about to happen she can make the necessary adjustments.

Semen in your weave is not just sexy. Again “oops, sorry”, is just not appropriate.

If you’re a man, premature ejaculation or failure to get erection is merely a glitch. Don’t make it her fault. Laugh (don’t point) and move on to pleasuring her in other ways.

Communicate. You cannot get what you want if you don’t ask. If she is not going to orgasm, don’t take it personally –it’s not a challenge. Accept that it’s not on the cards, ask her if there is anything else you can do to please her and if not, it is perfectly acceptable for you to climax.

How much noise you make depends on the circumstances. If parents are sleeping in the next room, screaming would be inappropriate. I like a bit of sound. A blissful groan means you’re doing it right; a high pitch dolphin sound probably means you’re doing it wrong. I’m not mad about screamers who make neighbours want to call the cops.

Most people like a bit of a cuddle afterwards, so don’t reach for your phone and go on social media. Don’t jump out of bed immediately and have a shower or wash yourself off. It makes the other party feel dirty in the worst way. If your play was messy, it’s good manners to get her a towel.

Do not surprise your partner with your fetish. You’ll scare the life out of them if you whip out the latex, cuffs and ball gag. Have a discussion first. Always get consent.

Do not assume you’re spending the night and, if you do, offer to make or pay for the breakfast. Do not be offended or comment on morning breath and don’t fart.

Be polite. Jokes about floppy bits, love handles, hairy testicles and so on are all inappropriate. So be gentle.

I’d love to hear what you can add to the list; email sharon@lolamontez.co.za. One of last thing to add to the list –socks! Always take off your socks.