Lifestyle: Your woman is not your property - Counselor Adofoli

To some men marrying a woman is like acquiring a property; as soon as she becomes his wife, changes her home and name for him, he feels he owns her, has total control over her; imposing their ideology of love on them. He defines submissiveness as being his labourer at home. This behaviour is making many women in marriages unhappy persons.

Wives are not properties but blessings. Properties are meant to be used but a wife is to be loved. Loving her is not based on feeling, it is work and you must be ready to do that. You work hard to make her laugh each day till you get old, not make her cry till she decides she can't take it any longer and wants to leave.

You are supposed to be proud of your wife, praise her, adore and admire her; let her know how blessed you are to have her in your life. Make time to be with her, close doors to outsiders and cross legs with her. Put down your laptop but put her head on your lap. Put down your phone and listen to how her day was.

Treat her with the respect she deserves. Your role as a leader in her life is to be a faithful initiator and not a dictator. You are not supposed to put fear in her heart. You are to love her, honour and give her reason to treat you the same.

Loving someone means learning about them, learning how to serve them. It's not saying you love them; your words may lie but your actions will always tell them the truth. Don't just tell her nice things but back your words with your actions. Your definition of love is far different from that of your spouse. What makes you feel loved is not the same thing that makes your spouse feel loved, so please listen to them.

Don't be too old to say sorry when you go wrong. You may not realize how much your little actions like shouting on her, refusing to answer her calls, ignoring her can hurt. Don't lie to your woman; talk about anything including your crush.

Always remember you are committed to your wife; when things are not going well as expected in your marriage, your role is to stick by her side, go through the bad times together and come out stronger. You are not sticking to them because you don't have any other option; but it's because of your vows, and because you want to keep the union even though you have lots of options.

Make a goal to stay together forever, never apart. You might be separated by distance but never at heart. Your absence should make her miss you and realize how much you love them.

In conclusion "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting" - Ephesians 5:25 (MSG).

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