Nigerian man's letter to wife as World Cup is about to start

My dear wife,

The Fifa World Cup is close by. Let me give you a few rules that will preserve your beauty.

1. The remote control belongs to me for the whole month.

2. Tell all your friends not to give birth, wed, die or wateva during the World Cup coz we won't go.

3. No talking during the game, wait for half-time or end of the game.

4. Repeats & highlights are as good as the main match, so am gonna watch them..

5. We can watch STAR PLUS provided actors and actresses are wearing soccer jerseys and they are in brazil.

6. You don't just pass in front of the TV, if I'm watching soccer, you better crawl on the floor.

7. Make sure you don't ask silly questions such as; is this Chelsea versus England?

8. No funny faces to my friends when they come for soccer.

9. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo's looks. Professionalism shall remain an absolute part of the WC.

10. If you miss the line up please don't ask, 'who is that guy?'

11. There is only one Ronaldo now playing active football and he plays for Portugal don't try to find out why he no longer plays for Brazil. FYI, Tanzania and Kenya did not qualify.

Thank you.