Happy couple
Rather unfortunately, women have grown to become associated with “nagging” down the years. Whereas men are the laid-back people from Mars who are easy-come easy-go, women are the ones who constantly pester our boyfriend’s until they do what we want/need.
You know how it goes. He’s trying to watch the NBA and you’re asking if he picked up your prescription from the pharmacy.
Or maybe he’s killing a few zombies on his video game while you’re trying to ask him to help with dinner.
You always ask politely at first, but because he doesn’t listen the first time around, it eventually sounds like you’re nagging. But what can you can do about this age-old problem, especially if you don’t want to sound irritating?
It’s tough because it’s often the way he behaves that causes you to nag. But here are our top 10 tips that will help you to get him to what you want without having to resort to nagging.
Develop Trust
Once you and your partner establish a strong level of trust, your relationship works on a whole new level. As such, nagging naturally becomes less of a problem.
Your man will be more inclined to respond to you when he knows he can trust you unconditionally. Sometimes, suspicion is at the root of his negative responses to your requests. For example, when you ask him to do something, he might be wondering “why does she want me to do this? It’s the NBA playoffs, she’s totally doing this on purpose.”
Get him to trust you beyond doubt, and he’ll be likelier to submit without questions.
Get Your Timing Right
If you bombard him with your please as soon as he wake up, of course he’s going to groan that you’re nagging him. He’s trying to open his eyes and come back to life again, so the last thing he needs right now is you asking whether or not he remembered to pay the credit card bill.
Similarly, it’s best that you don’t wait until the NFL comes on TV before you start asking him important questions.
Getting your timing right is crucial. Talk to him when he’s calm, well-rested and generally taking it easy.
Be Really Specific
Guys in general, don’t like it when we bring up a subject but take ages to get to the point, and they hate it whenever we ask them an indirect question. They haven’t got time to burn, and they want you to be as specific as possible.
If you say something like “I need you to help me with the household chores,” you’re going to confuse them. In their rather feeble minds, they need to know exactly which household chores you need help with.
Maybe you could ask him to take the trash out at a certain time, or maybe he can mow the lawn. Be really specific and direct.
Make him think he came up with the idea
This one requires you to be super creative and super deceptive, but it always works a treat if you can pull it off. Instead of letting it appears as though you came up with the idea, why not make it look as though he came up with it? If a guy thinks the idea is his, the chances are he’ll go through with it.
Always Say Please And Thank You
For a guy, there is nothing worse than someone who nag’s them to death, and who does it without using their manners. If you demand that they do something without saying please, you’re going to come across as bossy – and nagging. This will do neither of you no favours, because he’s unlikely to respond positively, which means you’ll have to ask him the same question again.
And again.
You’re not his boss and he doesn’t need to submit to you. Say please and thank you, and he’ll be much likelier to do what you want him to.
Don’t Give Him A Strict Deadline
Your man is going to really hate it if you impose a really strict deadline on him. If you shout “You HAVE to box all these items by the end of this evening!” he’s going to turn around and ask “Says who?”
First of all, ask him to do something nicely. And then ask how long he thinks it will take to get the task done.
Don’t make him feel like the villain
Sometimes, when we really want our boy to do something, we can get so pushy that we end up casting him as the bad guy. But putting him on the hot seat like this just creates distance and he’s not going to do what you want. He will then start to feel resentful, and will be even less inclined to do what you want.
Which means you’ll start to nag.
Instead of blaming him for everything, talk to him openly and try to shift the focus of the conversation so that you’re showing how you’re affected, rather than how bad a person he is. You’re not looking to damage his ego here, because this will move you further away from his goal.
Butter him up beforehand
Ray Romano was the king of killing his wife with kindness in the U.S. sitcomEverybody Loves Raymond. It didn’t always work, and sometimes he almost literally killed her full stop. But he had the right idea: If you butter your man up with kindness and compliments before you ask him to do something, he’s far likelier to respond positively.
Offer Him Rewards
People are more inclined to do something if they’re offered a reward, and they’re certainly more likely to do it quickly, too.
Guys don’t always want to do the boring stuff we need them to do. They don’t want to take out the trash tonight because it’s late and they’re tired; they don’t want to help with dinner because can’t we just do it all ourselves? and they don’t want to accompany us to the grocery store because they’re allergic to shopping.
A great way of getting him to do what you want without resorting to nagging is to offer him some rewards. Give him something to look forward to and you can bet he’ll be greater motivated to help you.
Take 5
Lastly, if it feels as though you’re starting to nag, take a five minute break to calm down before returning and asking him really, REALLY nicely if he’ll do this one thing for you.
