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You all have certain go-to moves in the bedroom that one girlfriend acted like she loved, so you’ve tried it with every girlfriend since then.
While it might seem like something that really gets women going, it’s important to actually pay attention if it’s doing the trick, or, well, boring her (or worse, freaking her out).
Just like every new person you have sex with makes for a different experience, new bodies respond in varying ways to positions, techniques, and moves, and as a great lover, it’s important to always shape your habits to fit your lover’s needs. (Just as they’ll do the same with you.)
What’s key is remembering that everything from past relationships — or ahem, porn — isn’t always reality, and women won’t tremble at your touch if you’re doing the wrong things. “Most men learn to have sex through media, video, magazines, etc. These times have changed and people can find whatever they are specifically into online, which has changed the whole landscape of sex, and at times limited what arouses men,” Dr. Nikki Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC, says.
“Men often aren't taught to check in with their partner about what they want and need to make it a mutually beneficial experience where both are aroused and enjoy themselves.”
If you’re curious about some standard things men do in the bedroom that frankly don’t get any woman to their “oh-my-god, amazing!” orgasm face, then we have the details for you. We talked to experts and real women to find out what most men think works in the bedroom, but actually is way off from being a pleasurable experience.
Myth: We Want You to Always Boss Us Around & Be In Contro
Reality: We Want A Balance
“My ex-boyfriend was always bossing me around in bed: ‘Do this,’ ‘Turn over,’ ‘Touch yourself.’ And while it was hot some of the time, he would never let me really take control while we were having sex by getting on top or turning the tables and bossing him around. If he wasn’t in control, then he wasn’t turned on, and it made it difficult for me to really look forward to having sex with him. I would have liked if we talked about it and agreed that sometimes, I’d be the one in control and sometimes he would be, so we would both be happy.” - Nikki, 31
Myth: We Aren’t As Sexual & Don’t Want Sex As Often
Reality: We Want Better Sex
“My husband used to give me a hard time when I wasn’t in the mood to have sex, early into our marriage. The trouble was that he wanted to have quickies in the morning and quickies at night, and I wanted quality sex that actually turned me on, while also getting him off. After we talked about it, he understood, and we compromised by doing more oral and then really spending time making sure our intercourse was as best as it could be for both of our needs.” - Jackie, 37
Myth: If We Aren’t Wet, We Aren’t Turned On
Reality: We Need More Time To Get There
“My boyfriend gets mad sometimes when we’re starting to make out and I’m not wet down there. I’ve tried to explain to him that I actually want to have sex, but that he has to take more time to get me physically there, unlike how he is always ready to get it on. It doesn’t always have to be him going down on me, but we could use lube or he could spend more time fingering me to make sure I’m getting lubricated and ready for intercourse.” - Lauren, 26
Myth: If You Keep Pushing, We’ll Give In
Reality: We Value Boundaries
“I can’t tell you how many men have tried to get me to do something I didn’t want to do in bed by continuously pushing to the point of my boundaries. While I would be open to experimentation if we agreed on it, pushing and pushing and thinking that the more I get turned on, the more I’ll be into something is just a turn-off. Respecting my wishes and not giving me a hard time about them will make me more likely to be open-minded in the future.” - Jessica, 30
Myth: We Like Dirty Talk All The Time
Reality: We Like A Little
“Every woman is different and while I don’t like being called a ‘slut,’ some women do. Either way, sometimes it’s hot for a guy to talk about how turned on he is by me or how sexy something is or something kinky or dirty. What turns me off is when the dirty talk is so aggressive that it distracts me from getting turned on and into the moment.
I once dated a guy who would say ‘louder’ every single time I showed reaction to something he did. It would always throw me off and kill my orgasm.” - Anna, 27
