Useless Column: 'Lot's wife's husband'

Did you know that any man who sees a snake and starts shouting: “snake, snake…” is not necessarily afraid of the snake? He is only calling for teamwork to help him kill the snake with ease. Me? Shout? Snake…snake…? And you think it is for teamwork? Na joke sweet you. As I am shouting, I am also taking to my heels. You think killing a snake is easy er! Dey there!

I received a call from a friend who remarried recently after the first marriage hit the rocks. He claims he couldn’t handle his first wife because according to him, she was stubborn. This remarriage was in 2023 and already my friend wants to end it all…again. His problem was that after his new marriage, everything was fine but realized that this second one was even more stubborn and openly showing signs of more stubbornness! I only referred him to go and read the story on Lot’s Wife in the Bible – simple! As for me, I thank God for my wife o.

She is not stubborn and very submissive too; the only ‘problem’ is that she is CONFIDENT – what some other men see as ‘stubborn’. Caution: this is a public safety statement. I was under instruction to write it this way. Nowhere cool o, Efo Korshivi Lot’s Wife’s Husband! You want continuous happiness er? Ei, Bro! No man does that o---hahahaha! We are all managing.

Stay with this one like that; otherwise, making a mistake to go in for the third time will not guarantee your heart’s desire! It’s about time marriage counsellors started letting men know that a CONFIDENT woman is different from a stubborn one. Lot’s wife was just confident; that is all. No wife is stubborn. It’s about time men recognised their own weaknesses too. It is rather men who are stubborn. We know where we are building a house would be flooded some day yet we would build there endangering everyone’s life.

I am not sure if I wrote the above; maybe I am getting possessed again by this ‘useless column’ of a satiric thing.

This week of floods when the rains came to do an audit and exposed our behaviours and our weak enforcement of the laws. It is unfortunate. This is the first time I made the mistake of driving through the floods and nearly got carried away. I thank God I managed a quick u-turn to safety.

Probably the only thing God has stopped producing is LAND. You can’t build on waterways; the water will definitely come back to where it was originally supposed to be. As for the talking, we are all still talking with the common cliché: “It is serious o”. what is serious? That we didn’t know that it would rain in June and July and that whether we like it or not the water will start looking for its original home – the sunken areas? In fact, the rains are surprised that we are surprised. It’s rather unfortunate that some lives were lost as a result. Sad sad sad! May their souls rest well.

This is not a movie script o. I am sure I told you before how I’d wanted to go into movie acting some years back. My Sister, my Brother, acting is not an easy going area o. kai! Until I went into it, I never knew that what we see on the TV screens and on our phone screen is just about 5% of the actual work that goes into TV and movie productions. Ei! “Sound ready”, “Roll cameras", “Action”, “Cut”! “Close shot, down below, under below and try again."

“Wipe (dab) the sweat on your face and let the make-up artiste do the wiping! Ei! Hmmm! Tweaaaaa!

The location was Yahweh Temple, East Legon. That’s where the aircraft usually pass and lowly when about to land at the airport. I was given some role to play called ‘Asikyi’ and to act alongside Foster Romanus, that intelligent comic reliever. In one of the scenes, he was supposed to slap me as part of the ‘useless’ action movie! When he slapped, an aeroplane would fly past and the Film Director would say ‘Cut, take it again because the sound was distorted by the sound from the aircraft’. Wow! Eweeei! Is that how it is?

He would slap me again after the command “Roll camera, action’ and then plane would pass again and then ‘Cut, take it again because the sound was distorted by the sound from the aircraft’. Ah! To tease me further, this ‘boy’ Foster would come and look into my swollen face and ask, ‘Asikyi Mawuli’, wosop?’ Me? Wosop? Hmmm!

It was as if I should just look for something and hit his face with but I was guided by the country’s laws on assault but is the slapping not assault enough for Director and Foster himself to be prosecuted? Massa, Foster’s palms were as rough as the palms of Ghana’s goalkeeper number one! When he was about to throw his hands, I’d squeeze my face in readiness to receive it…kpaaaaa!

As fate would have it anytime, it was my turn for me to be slap him back, no aircraft flew past. Ei! These my hometown people, your collaboration with my enemies in Accra has been trending not today o and it’s still trending! From morning till like 4pm, this guy kept slapping me and we kept re-doing it till one of my eyes started closing from the swelling. I was waiting for my turn to slap too but when it was 6.45pm and it was my turn to slap him too, the lights went off. Film Director said, we should close and continue the next day and that the slap Foster slapped me kraaa nu, the video recording was not clear.

‘Ern? I see!’, I said to myself quietly! I nodded my head knowing that deep in my mind and heart, I had come to the end of my acting career because I was not going to play any ‘useless’ role called ‘Asikyi’ again. Kai! What is my offence! I gave up.

My respect to every professional actor / actress! It’s no joke at all! Herh! Where is Nath Babini? Brew Riverson Jnr? Augustine Abbey (Iddi Koko)? Grace Nortey? Maame Dokono? I miss them on the set!

Enjoy your weekend till we meet again next year around this same time to discuss the same thing – floods.

Watch bird's-eye view of how illegal construction on waterways is fueling Accra's flood crisis