Grow to Connect Or Stagnate and drift

The Glaringly Obscure Bittersweet Truth

There is a question I often ask my mentees:

“What kind of relationships do you truly desire in your life?”

Almost without exception, their answers echo the same longing:

“I want something real. I want love that’s consistent, honest, kind, safe, and present.”

Then I ask a second question:

“What capacity have you built—or are you willing to build—to sustain the kind of relationship you say you want?”

That is when the silence sets in. Eyes drop. Words falter.

Because the truth is, many of us haven’t thought that far.

We crave the fruit, but we haven’t prepared the soil.

We say we want love.

We say we want emotionally available people—those who show up, who choose us without hesitation.

But when those people arrive—when they offer us exactly what we claim to need—our unhealed parts often don’t know how to receive them.

We test their patience.

We mistake their consistency for being boring.

We take their kindness for weakness.

When they forgive easily, we take that as permission to keep repeating the offense.

We assume they will always be there, so we stop showing up for them.

And instead, we chase the ones who are distant, unpredictable, emotionally unavailable—those who make us question our worth.

Because somewhere along the way, we confused chaos with passion, and inconsistency with thrill.

Here is the hard truth:

Emotional availability in the hands of someone who isn’t ready becomes a wasted gift.

It gets mishandled. Misunderstood. Sometimes even destroyed.

And sadly, after misusing such rare gems, we still cling to them—not because we love them well, but because they have become our emotional safety net or status symbol.

They offer us stability in our chaos, even as we refuse to meet their energy with the same depth.

But when that same availability is placed in the hands of someone who has done the work—someone who has healed, matured, and grown—it becomes sacred.

It is cherished.

It is reciprocated.

It becomes the fertile ground where trust takes root, where love grows deep, and where peace finally feels like home.

Sometimes we don’t fall out of love—we simply refuse to grow up enough to enjoy genuine love.

Or we grow tired of pretending.

So maybe the real question isn’t, “Do you want love?”

Maybe it’s, “Are you ready for it?”

Are you ready to honour it?

To rise to meet it?

To grow into the kind of person who can hold it with care?

To the warm-hearted souls stuck in dysfunctional relationships:

You are more than enough.

If someone doesn’t treat you with the love you give, it’s time to choose yourself and evolve.

Because if you get destroyed in your rescue attempt, they will use that as an excuse to avoid accountability.

Don’t break your spirit trying to heal someone who refuses to take responsibility.

Their behaviour isn’t your burden to bear.

They didn’t change for the worse because of you—they just stopped pretending.

But if someone is genuinely trying to do better, offer them grace.

Let them earn their place in your life.

And to the real, loving souls seeking genuine connection:

Be aware—the fake can be so sophisticated, they are often mistaken for the real.

Sharpen your discernment.

Because in relationships, the day will come when you realise:

Peace from a trustworthy partner is worth far more than looks or the size of their pocket.

🧶 Quotable Serenity 🪢

The wise and growth-minded person knows:

Meaningful connections aren’t like emotional Wi-Fi you can connect and disconnect from at will. They are built with intentionality.

It is a quiet injustice to desire beautiful things without preparing yourself to sustain them.

Growth is not optional—it is the price of admission into the life of the truly real.

Prof. Evans Agbeno

neoreportgh@gmail.com