Mother’s Day Dilemma: A Reflection from Diaspora.

"My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her." -- George Washington.

I couldn’t agree with the late president more at the time I was doing National Service in the country (village) in Ghana. When Mother’s Day approached I thought of doing something unique for her. Unfortunately Mother’s Day wasn’t anything known in the country then. Buying a card for her could tantamount to an insult because cards were considered as white man culture. Cooking for her that day wasn’t a new thing because I usually cooked for her. I couldn’t take her to local restaurant for she doesn’t like outside food. Telling her I loved her or she was beautiful wasn’t a new thing to her because I told her time and again. I consulted lady friends on what unique thing to do for her. All that they suggested couldn’t work because they were either something I had been doing for her or something she would consider as foreign and wouldn’t appreciate it. But at the end of the day I did something unique which she cherished and remembers every year.

Why was I careworn to do something unique on this day which was not even known to my mother? Was I trying to imitate someone else? What is mother’s day at all and what does it bring to us as people and to business world? Today some of you reading this article might have been in that dilemma as well. But let us take a journey into the genesis of this Mother’s Day hullabaloo and the core of this article

Mother’s Day started in ancient days as the celebrations of mothers and motherhood. People celebrated holidays honoring motherhood personified as goddess. For example, ancient Greek instituted and celebrated a holiday in honor of mother gods Rhea. Romans did the same in honor of Cybele which was from March 22 to 25. Likewise the British Isles and Celtic Europe in honor of goddess Brigid and later St Brigid who succeeded her. Britain itself, Mother’s Day was celebrated on the fourth Sunday in lent. Mother’s Day really began when apprentices and servants could return home to visit their mothers. They did brought gifts in the form of cakes with them and served as family dinner. This almost died by 19th Century and revived after World War II when American soldiers brought commercial goods and used Mother’s Day as occasion for sales.

The real documented Mother’s Day commenced in West Virginia, USA in 1858 when Anna Reeves Jarvis wanted to work for improved sanitation in her city and during America civil, she used the opportunity to work for both sides and after the war, she used the same to reconcile the two factions. Julia W Howe who authored “Battle Hymn of the Republic” began promoting the idea of Mother’s Day for peace in 1872 which was celebrated on June 2. Her effort saw a lot of work for peace and women’s right for 30 years. In the year 1907, Anna Jarvis distributed 500 white carnations in St Andrew’s Episcopal Church, Grafton, West Virginia for every mother in the church. This same church became the first church in 1908 to have a Sunday service in honor of mothers. That same year the first bill was presented to the Congress to pass the day as a holiday. In1909, Mother’s Day service were held in 46 States in America, Canada and Mexico. In 1914 President Woodrow Wilson signed a joint resolution passed by US Congress establishing Mother’s Day.

Having come this far, Mother’s Day got to international dimensions and most of European countries embraced the day. Second Sunday in May is USA, Denmark, Finland, Italy, etc, Mother’s Day. Britain does it on the fourth Sunday of lent, and Spain celebrates it in honor of Mary the mother of Jesus as well. Not only this is the day to honor women, it is also a day gender movements like the Women's International League for Peace and Freedom, the Women's Action for Nuclear Disarmament, the League of Women Voters do organize protest.

The import of this day doesn’t end here. Commercially, the day has been generating a bunch of income for flowers and cards industries. The day is the busiest day for restaurants and retailers report that they make the second highest sales in a year on Mother’s Day. The print, Radio and TV houses worldwide are capturing that opportunity to make sales based on commercial adverts.

With this orientation, one comes to understand that Mother’s Day is very important not only honoring our mothers for having carried us nine months and went through the pain of delivery, diaper changing, and all that. Of course not everyone enjoyed the care of their mothers. I know some of you have not been raised by your mothers and some don’t even know your mothers. The fact still remains that God brought us to this earth through them and we must do our best honor them no matter the situation.

Becoming back to my dilemma, why did I have to go through this trouble while she didn’t even know what the day was? Yes I needed to. We don’t have established institutions to honor people who toil for us as individuals and for our nations in general. So therefore when there is an occasion to use, I don’t see the reason we shouldn’t. Of course Mother’s Day is foreign to Africans but do we have a day that we can universally honor our mothers? So I thought it wise to do that for my mother that day and I did it though I went through a hell in making a choice.

What is the crux of all these I’m trying to put across? As a Snr minister in the Diaspora, posterity wouldn’t forgive me if I don’t share with you what I know is good. Let me emphatically state here that you don’t have to wait until Mother’s Day to honor your mother. Everyday is a Mother’s Day and therefore, whenever you have the opportunity to see your mother, let her know by your actions that you cherish her and appreciate her love and care even if she didn’t give you that care. They may not need anything much from us but any little gift from an appreciative heart would create an indelible mark in their hearts.

Let me share with you what I did that day. I remember she likes a particular type of dress. I bought it, parceled it nicely and brought it as a Mother’s Day present. I told her “Mum, I have a surprise for you but I wouldn’t let it unless you promise to give me one hour to sit with you and chat.” That was two in one because she hardly gets me to chat with and if I should beg her for an hour chat, it was a gift in itself. I asked that I was going to dress her with the new dress I brought. Did you say “dress your mother”? Why can I dress my old mother? That is the job some of the burgers do abroad and come home to build mansions. So if they can dress someone else mother, why can I dress my mother? While dressing her I told her that was a token of reciprocate of what she did for me. She was damned excited with that statement and told her friends after I left. We sat and talked and she still remembers that day whenever I visit her.

What unique thing have you done or can you do for your mother today? You might be struggling to get something big for your mother today but she might not appreciate it because it’s common though expensive. The most expensive commodity on this earth is time. If you can give her an hour like I did, it probably might be the most expensive gift. Paying her a visit could be all that she needs today. Calling her from abroad or from another city or evening from within the town and letting her know that you love her and appreciate the time and energy she spent on you might be all that she needs to make her day.

Anna Jarvis once said "A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother — and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment." So you see, a printed Mother’s Day card is nothing and candy is nothing. If you want to send her a card, take time and write your personal note and add it. Let her see you speaking to her in your writing and not what a commercial person wrote in his card. To fathers, let me draw your attention here that the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

Like George Washington reflected, can you say your mother is the most beautiful woman? Can you attribute your success to her and appreciate her? The fact that some of you never lived with your mums doesn’t take anything form the fact that she carried you for nine months. As we celebrate Mother’s Day today, let us remember mothers who have been beaten, tagged witches and abandoned in witch camps in certain corners in Africa. We know that the devil uses human beings but is it logically sound that only women are vulnerable and become witches in those villages and men are holy? Where are the Anna Jarvis, Julia Howes, and the Yaah Asantewaas in Africa? Where are the women’s rights advocates in Africa? Does it make sense to see these aged women wallowing in the dilapidated camps while we sit in the cities and celebrate Mother’s Day? Where are the men of God?

Happy Mother’s Day