You overstepped; touch me, not my family – Ace Ankomah to Dela Goldheart
Following weeks of heated exchanges between Legal Practitioner Ace Ankomah and staunch feminist Amelia Amedela Amemate (Dela Goldheart) on social media, the former has revealed the reason for his fierce ‘barks’ at the latter after her first response to his post on social media.
Despite his openness to intellectual debate and discussions, he explained that he might have ‘gone overboard’ when Dela decided to overstep her boundaries and ‘touch’ his wife in such a denigrating manner.
Ace took to facebook weeks back to offer his friend, Kobby Addo some marriage tips on the responsibility of the husband and wife in a home, a post which obviously ticked Dela who will have ‘no one’ portray the woman as ‘a slave’.
In his words; “A woman, even when she works (and every woman should work, if she can) should provide only if she wants to. But she is in charge of everything else that has to do with the home. Yes, it is her kitchen, not mine. That’s why she chose everything in there. My only space in the house is my basement. Everywhere else is hers. I don’t care. Just don’t paint our room pink. That’s all,” portions of his post read.
“Don’t MAKE her do it. PROVIDE the means to do it so that even if she doesn’t do it herself or isn’t there to do it, it still gets done. For example, I expect dinner when I get home; and meals when I’m home. You don’t have to cook it. You don’t have to serve it. Just make sure the system I have provided for produces and delivers the food.
“In the same vein, I don’t wash, clean, sweep, vacuum, dust, or do any house work. I am “DADDY.” That’s why I live in Ghana and not in the US,” he noted.
Dela Goldheart in a very defensive manner likewise took to social media to express her views. In her response, she said:
“I never thought I will say this about you but I guess career excellence and knowledge in law doesn't make you exceptional when it comes to issues affecting women. You grew up in a patriarchal society. The system is designed to favour you. You had no education on gender equality when growing up. But you know what? That can be changed. You have everything your wife has. I know you are smart enough to see that your wife does not use her vagina to cook or order food. And when it comes to strength, you even have more (likely). So if anyone should work and cook, it should be you. And one more thing, the meaning of daddy and mommy has never been static. Those who improve the world understand that change is one of the factors of progress. Think about it.”
Speaking to Ghanaweb Editor Kyenkyenhene Boateng on the ’21 minutes with KKB’ show, the ace lawyer explained that he was outraged at the fact that a simple debate which could have remained between the two persons involved was extended to his family for which reason he called her a ‘twit’ among other things.
For him, he can be ‘attacked’ but when his family is ‘touched’ he will spit venom because he owes them the responsibility of protecting his ‘own’.
“I went overboard. There are times you need to kill a fly with a sledge hammer just to make a statement. It was okay to disagree, my parents taught me the luxury of disagreements, the luxury of thoughts, I’m fine with disagreements, we are different people, what works for me wont work for everybody and so let’s disagree but when it gets personal, even that I can handle, but it went to my wife in a very crude and profane manner from a young lady. You can touch me but not my family, once you get to my family, you’ve gone beyond the pale. There was the need to lay down the marker that I’m open for debate but I’m not open for insults.
If you choose to go that line and I decide, you will get it back in good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, let’s lay down the marker and then let’s stop it, now I’m willing to have the debate.”
Touching on his stance as far as the debate of whether or not a woman’s responsibility should include cooking for her husband, Ace Ankomah maintained that he will under no circumstance spend his time cooking and cleaning when he has provided the means for that to be done. He believes a man should have the luxury of choice as far as these things are concerned.
“I want to live a very simple life. If it works for you, if you feel fulfilled by doing that do it, if the means exists for it to be done, why should I do it myself.”
“It ought to be a choice, not an imposition. My view is that if you are able to provide the means for something to be done don’t do it yourself, spend your time on something else. Why will I pick a broom or a brush to sweep unless I want to, maybe I break a glass, I’ll sweep it myself because I saw where the things went and I can do it, the few times I’ve had to teach the people who work for me, ill sit down in the toilet bowl and clean it in a way that will amaze you, I know how to clean a toilet bowl with a toothbrush, I know where to apply the parazone and everything but I’ve taught you how to do it why will I do it myself, it creates employment so I won’t do it, that’s me, it might not work for you but I’m not criticizing you so don’t jump into my space.”