Dear GhanaWeb: I feel drained in my marriage

Dear GhanaWeb,

I am a 38-year-old woman who has been married for 15 years, and we have three children together.

My husband, who is 51, showed some concerning signs early in our marriage, but I chose to ignore them, believing they were just normal marital challenges.

Over the years, he developed a habit of being dishonest about finances. He would hide details about his salary, claim he had not been paid, and make financial decisions without consulting me. Despite repeated apologies, his behaviour never changed. Instead, it only got worse.

Last year, I discovered that he had taken multiple loans to the extent that his salary was in the negative, something he had completely hidden from me. The situation became even more serious when I found out he had not been paying our children’s school fees, even though he always claimed he had.

I was forced to step in and use my own income, including support from my late father’s estate, to cover the school fees and even settle some of his debts.

Although I considered divorce at the time, I decided to give him another chance. We agreed on a plan to clear his debts, but he broke that trust again by secretly taking more loans.

This January, my suspicions led me to investigate further, and I uncovered an even more painful truth.

My husband has two older children from before our marriage, both currently in university, whom he has been supporting financially in secret all these years.

What hurts me most is not just the financial burden, but the betrayal. For 15 years, he kept this part of his life hidden from me and shows no remorse.

Instead, he insists he has done nothing wrong and continues to make reckless financial decisions that affect our household.

I feel exhausted, betrayed, and taken for granted. I have invested my youth, my energy, and my resources into this marriage, only to be met with continuous deceit and irresponsibility.

We have tried counselling, but he remains dishonest even during those sessions.

At this point, I feel like I am being dragged down by his actions, and I am deeply concerned about the future of my children and myself.

Would I be wrong to finally walk away from this marriage for the sake of my peace and my children’s stability?

What should I do now?

FG/EB

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