Dear GhanaWeb: I was abused by a priest, now I’m questioning the person I’ve become

Dear GhanaWeb,

When I was 18, I lived with a priest while attending secondary school. I helped him at home, and in return, he sponsored my education. At the time, it felt like a blessing, an opportunity many girls would wish for.

But within just two weeks of moving in, everything changed.

He began sexually harassing me. I resisted and fought as much as I could, but I was young, scared, and dependent on him.

Eventually, I couldn’t fight anymore, and he forced himself on me. I kept everything to myself. Even today, I don’t fully understand why I was too afraid to speak up.

Along the way, I got pregnant. He begged me to abort it, saying it would destroy his reputation.

He promised he would never touch me again if I did. I believed him and went through with the abortion, even though the pregnancy was already over three months.

It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

But he didn’t keep his promise. The abuse continued.

At some point, he suggested I go on family planning, then later discouraged it, saying it might draw attention to him.

I lived like this for four painful years until I finally gained admission to the university and had the chance to leave.

One thing I cannot deny is that he took care of me financially. I never lacked anything. There was always money for my school needs, and I was often among the first to pay for anything required. But looking back now, I realise that comfort came at a very painful cost.

Even while in university, I had to return home on weekends to cook and prepare meals for him. By then, I had a boyfriend, and I became firmer, refusing to let him touch me again. I had learned, and I deeply regretted everything I had endured.

That was when things became difficult.

He began delaying my fees or refusing to pay them altogether. I had to find ways to survive, so I started exaggerating my expenses just to save something in case he refused to support me.

Then one day, I decided to take control.

I secretly recorded a video of him forcing himself on me. In that video, I made sure my pain was clear — I struggled, cried, and begged, just as I had done for years. I showed it to him and threatened to expose him to the church and reveal everything he had done to me.

He broke down and begged.

From that moment, the abuse stopped, but I didn’t stop.

I began demanding money from him relentlessly. I pushed for more and more, without restraint. Eventually, he went bankrupt.

On my side, my life changed. I invested wisely, including in treasury bills and other ventures. I became financially stable even before completing university.

After that, I stopped going back to him, and he never asked to see me again.

Years later, he reached out and asked to meet. When we met, he went on his knees and begged for my forgiveness. He said he regretted everything and was willing to do anything just so I could forgive him.

But I told him I would never let it go.

Now, I find myself reflecting deeply on everything: my past, the pain I endured, and the way I chose to respond to it. Seeing him broken stirred something in me that I didn’t expect.

I am still hurt, but I am also confused.

After everything he did to me, and everything I did in return… have I taken things too far? Or was this the only way I knew how to survive the pain?

What do I do now?

FG/EB

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