Dear GhanaWeb: My baby mama asked me to cancel my wedding and marry her

Dear GhanaWeb,

I’m in a dilemma, and I’m confused about what decision to make.

I got engaged to my fiancée three months ago, and we’re scheduled to get married in two months. We’ve been dating for a year, and for the first time in my life, I fell deeply in love.

I’ve never cheated on her. We’re both genuinely in love and can’t imagine life without each other, so marriage seemed like the right step. I provide for her needs, and she makes me happy in every way.

Just when I thought everything was going smoothly, I ran into my ex a few days ago. To my surprise, she had a 10-year-old daughter with her.

When I asked about the child, she became upset and told me to pretend we never met. Then, her daughter looked at me and asked if I was the father who abandoned her mother when she got pregnant.

I was speechless and confused, so I left. But the encounter kept bothering me. I decided to go back to the neighborhood where I used to meet my ex and asked around until I found her house.

When she saw me, she was angry and asked why I was there. I told her I wanted to talk, and after some pleading, she finally agreed.

She explained that she got pregnant after I left for school abroad, something my parents arranged suddenly. I honestly had no idea she was pregnant, and I left without saying goodbye. Hearing her story broke me.

When I got home, I reflected on everything and decided to take responsibility for the mess I had created.

I wanted to bond with my daughter, so I rented a comfortable house for them and made sure they had everything they needed. I also apologized sincerely and asked for forgiveness.

However, my fiancée noticed that I had become distant and started asking questions. I can see how worried she is, but I don’t know how to tell her the truth. I know she’ll be disappointed to learn that I unknowingly abandoned my child.

Now, my baby mama says if I truly want her forgiveness, I must cancel my wedding and marry her instead. I told her that’s not possible, I can’t leave my fiancée. She insists that I’m her first and only love and that no man would want to marry her now that she has a daughter.

We’ve been apart for 10 years, so I don’t understand why she’s saying this. She even said that if I refuse to marry her, I should forget about having a relationship with my daughter.

I love my daughter deeply, she’s my priority, but I also love my fiancée. I don’t want to lose either of them. Still, I’m torn. Should I marry my baby mama just to have access to my daughter, or should I go ahead with my wedding and risk losing them both?

I’m confused. What should I do?

FG/EB

Kimathi Rawlings and other prominent figures depart residence after brief meeting