If love wasn’t the reason, then why did you come into my life?

Dear Special,

“Special and Sunshine,” That is how we affectionately called each other. The feeling I get when you call me ‘sunshine’ was so overwhelming and relieving. It has already been 5 months since you broke up with me but it still feels like just yesterday. I must say I still moan every night and can’t get over the pain because I love you dearly.

We met on a Facebook group page and we got along in just a jiffy. We always had a lot to talk about and I loved how you shared your vision and plans with me. I felt loved and a part of your life. I told you all about my bitter experiences in my past relationships and you promised heaven and earth to show me true love and help my heart heal. I held on to your words and they gave me hope. You introduced me to your parents and I was the happiest lady on earth. I thought I had crossed a milestone in your life but I guess you got tired of me really fast.

Suddenly, things changed and you got irritated at the slightest questions I ask. Special, you told me to open up to you and feel free to ask anything that bothers my mind. I started doing that and all hell broke loose.

To my dismay, the usual “how are you?” “How has your day been? Have you eaten? which were very normal with us bothered you. I subtly talked to your sister and she was convinced it was pressure from your workplace. But I wondered why you wouldn’t talk to me about that if it was really the case. I dreaded within that the happenings and sudden change were more than just work. Work wouldn’t spell off what we have shared all this while? Whatever the problem was, I was ever ready to make things work. I couldn’t allow this relationship to be on the rocks just like the others did. No! Not this time! I was ready to relocate to your place if that will make you happy and I forgave you severally anytime you spoke harshly to me on the least argument. You would say ‘Sunshine sorry my emotions got the best of me “.

Then one night, when I saw you on a video call with another lady right under my nose, I felt disrespected and unimportant. How could you flirt with another lady without regard to my presence? I must admit we had massive altercations that night which I believe almost every lady will do. However, I don’t remember saying some of the things you accused me of. Special, I never said, “You have done yourself a huge favor by dating me.“ For that, I am very sure. No matter what the issue will be I wouldn’t disregard you like that. I respected you that much. However, even if I did I pleaded with you severally. Couldn’t you have forgiven me? Not even for the love we shared?

That Saturday morning, when you told me you were not interested in the relationship again and that you have a new girlfriend in your life, I was broken and the pain I felt cut down through my heart. You knew and I had opened up to you on everything I had gone through in my previous relationships. You were the last person I expected it from; your promises and words of affirmation were so true and real. It’s okay, we may have had our own hurdles and differences anyway, but we could have overcome them? I wasn’t ready to give up on us. I wanted it to work. I pleaded with you on phone. I wanted us to meet up and talk but your mind was already made up. Then the unexpected happened. You blocked me. Yes, you went that far. Could a lover suddenly turn an enemy just overnight? I brooded over it all through the night.

Then I saw you at a wedding last month, I realized I still have not gotten over you. Upon all the harsh things you said to me and also blocking me on Facebook, I allowed you to kiss me. You’ll deny it but I saw love in your eyes when you kissed me. I thought things would get back to normal after the kiss that day but no. You knew what you wanted. You stood on your grounds that you mean whatever you have said and that you aren’t swallowing your words back. I must have been stupid for thinking the situation would change.

Up until now, I don’t really know what I did to deserve such disheartening treatment from you. I don’t want to believe you came into my life just to have a feel of it and walk away just like that. Could you be one of these Facebook predators and scammers? But the sad thing is I still love you and wish you were still mine. The pain and hurt are still fresh after 5 months.

I still have mental images of all the distasteful things you told me before you blocked my number.

Happy belated birthday and I wish you the very best. I hope you chance on this letter. I hope to hear from you, sit and talk so we can settle our differences. Perhaps that might heal my wounds really fast. Just maybe.

—Your Sunshine