Relationship: Marry for love not feelings – Counsellor Adofoli

I have visited a couple of restaurants and got disappointed. The aroma of the food was so inviting and I assumed the taste would correspond; only to taste it and realize otherwise. From that experience I learnt; the fact that something smells great doesn't necessarily imply it will taste great.

Most at times, what you feel for someone has nothing to do with their character. There are people who develop strong attachment for someone due to their looks or personality and things change when they get married. The amazing person has suddenly changed into a horror. The prince charming has suddenly become a beast.

Many of us mistaken love to be only a feeling. Let’s take a moment to think about our own experience of feelings. We have all experienced feelings of attraction, these feelings go up and down; here one moment, gone the next! This can be confusing and painful. If we confuse love with a feeling, we may find ourselves asking questions such as:

How could I love someone I didn’t really know so well?

I love and care about my partner so much, how come I don’t feel that kind of excitement around him/her anymore? Is this love? Have we fallen out of love?

The questions are many and the answers can be scary so at times we attempt to shut out these thoughts. But even if we do, there still remains a sense of lingering sadness, of something missing. What is missing perhaps is an accurate understanding of what love is.

Feelings only last for a short while but love last lifetime. Love is a decision, choice or action. Love is best described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Every candidate for marriage must have love, for you can't give what you don't have. So next time you think of marrying, ask yourself these questions: Am I patient, Kind, Jealous, Proud, Selfish, grudge holder, Truthful, Hopeful, Loyal?

You don't just love or marry someone because you feel something for them today; what happens when you don't feel that tomorrow? Is that marriage then over?

No matter how strong you feel for someone, when they treat you bad, that feeling will diminish and even die.

Love goes beyond feelings, it’s something you give without hurt, trust without a doubt, loyalty without thinking twice, honesty without question.

It is clear feelings cannot sustain a marriage, it will rather leave you in pains. Marriage is an institution made by God; if we want to go into it then we must do it God's way, and with His kind of love.

In conclusion "There is a way which looks right to a man, but its end is the way of death. Even while laughing the heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be sorrow"- Proverbs 14:12-13 (NLV)