Why have you started showing up just when I’ve met someone else?

Hey Kofi,

Today, I reminisce about our good old days with the conviction that I made the right choice to move on. A decision I’m convinced of and I’m never looking back.

There is no doubt I was head over heels in love with you because I was a naïve SHS girl who was in a relationship for the first time. We had our happy moments back in 2011 when we met. We usually visited interesting places I had never been to and I enjoyed our Sunday special food joint to the bit. And oh yes you knew how I couldn’t resist chocolates so there was not a single day you wouldn’t visit me with a bar of chocolate. Kofi, you never forgot to carry me in your arms whenever we met even before we started conversing. I enjoyed that. You would intentionally leave an amount on the table and ask me to take enough for myself. That always brought the best out of me and indeed I felt loved and cared for. I must say you were very generous and I really do appreciate it till now. You were my support system and made sure you never disturbed my education. You were concerned about my studies and I cherished you for that.

I had to go to the boarding house for a month to write my final exam and that was when I heard you were moving around the neighborhood with someone else. I was startled with the news but I had to recalibrate my mind because I had an exam ahead which I needed to pass. Then I finally completed SHS. I confronted you about what I heard back in school and you were calm about it. You assured me it wasn’t true. I believed and trusted you so we flashed it in the pan.

To prevent my idling around while waiting for my results, I looked for a job and got one outside our hood. It was a difficult decision for me. The thought of not seeing you often was worrying but I had to contain it because I needed to support my parents. I couldn’t put all my tertiary bills on them and you understood the step I had to take.

Moving to the new place came along with its issues. Suddenly, things changed and our relationship began to take a different turn. You were not picking my calls with reasons best known to you. What happened? Being apart shouldn’t end a happy “us”? I found myself in a new place and I needed you. Someone to share my new experiences with, someone to talk to all night after work about the day’s happenings but you were nowhere to be found. It was painful and even more painful because I didn’t know what was happening to you. Then, what broke the camel’s back: I became pregnant, of course for no other man than you. Being pregnant at that time with all the drama you had started putting up wasn’t what I was ready for. Lost and confused, I was. Need I say the impact on my working life and life in general? Whom do I talk to? I sobbed every night. I felt darkness all over me. I tried calling severally and you never picked up my call. I needed to talk to you so we both decide the next step.

Then I resorted to calling home. I told my mum the situation and just as I had predicted, the shock I felt in her voice and the unending questions she asked were killing. How did it happen? Who is responsible? Where does he stay? Many questions I couldn’t answer because I knew how raving mad my mum could be especially when she found out you were the one responsible. I had to protect you. I still loved you.

I had to make a move. I traveled to where you stayed hoping to find you but I got disappointed. You had moved out. I started asking around possibly to get some answers from your friends but no one was willing to open up. They were not ready to lead me to your new place. I got disturbed. “What’s happening?” I asked myself. Then again came the pressure from mum wanting to know everything. I couldn’t stand the pressure anymore so I took the medicine my friend offered that day to abort the baby.

Yes, I did. Don’t blame me because I had to. I couldn’t see myself giving birth to a child whose father couldn’t be found. But, I’m grateful that the Lord showed mercy on me and spared my life that night. Yes, I woke up at the hospital the next day. On the hospital bed, I decided to close the chapter between us. I couldn’t continue to brood over someone who didn’t think about me. Someone who had decided to leave his life without me. I needed my life back. I had my family who loved me and I couldn’t disappoint them just like that. Kofi, you pushed me away and I grudgingly had to let sleeping dogs lie.

I went a whole year without hearing from you. Finally, you called. Not that I was anticipating your call but it came as a surprise. With all that I had been through you now found it convenient enough to call. I told you everything I had been through and you still didn’t give me any valid reason for not picking up my calls all the while. “You should have kept the pregnancy,” you said. How were you expecting me to keep the pregnancy? How was I going to cope? The hospital bills? Then you hanged up.

I saw you again after 3 years when I visited my parents in the neighborhood. Within those 3 years, we never talked. I found it difficult getting into a new relationship because we never talked of a breakup so a part of me felt like holding on a while. Truth is I yearned to hear you say “I love you no more.” That would have given me enough reason to let go but you never did. You just left me hanging. When we met at the neighborhood after 3 years, you asked how I was doing and promised to come home so that we talked. I looked forward to that visit but you never did. I had a lot to talk about. Apart from everything, I was hoping to tell you I had admission into the tertiary but things didn’t go as I planned. I finally left for my place without seeing you.

I came back the next year to visit and I did that after each semester break. I saw you around a couple of times but you said nothing. Kofi, you sometimes ignored me when it was obvious you had seen me. It was surprising but I handled it anyway.

Then Grace located me: I found someone who loves me just as I am and willing to marry me. So why have you started showing up now? Why the calls? I have moved on and found a new place of hope for myself. Yes, I see your calls but I have decided not to answer them. Please stop calling! Stop trying to have a conversation with me now. There is nothing for us to talk about now. Leave my life alone so I can concentrate on my new relationship. I waited for answers which I never got so please stop badmouthing me to people.

Stop telling people I am your girlfriend and that I have left you to marry someone else. Need I remind you that we are no longer together? You had 6 years to profess your unending love. How do you lay claim to someone you have had no conversation with for almost 6 years? Stop saying I aborted your son! I had my reasons. I am not happy about that either but I have found my way back with God and I am at a better place now. Stop telling people about my past.

I have realized your new strategy. Yes, I know you’ve been stalking me for some time now but I bet to get you arrested the next time you try that. That is a promise!

My wedding is slated later this year and I am happy to let you know that nothing you will do will make my soon-to-be-husband love me less. Note that very well and move on without me.

Gone Forever

—AMA