Medical Jokes

Preparing for a Mammogram

For women - Helpful info. For men - For the woman in your
life.

PREPARING FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM:

Many woman are afraid of their mammogram, but there is no
need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week
preceding the exam and doing the following practice
exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all,
you can do these simple practice exercises right in the
privacy of your own home.

Exercise No. 1:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.
Invite a stranger into the room. Place one bookend on each
side of your breast. Press the bookends together as hard as
you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again
next year and do it again. Repeat all steps on the other
breast.

Exercise No. 2:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between
the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends
(or a stranger) slam the door shut as hard as possible and
lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for
five seconds. Don't breathe. REPEAT again in case the first
time wasn't effective enough. REPEAT all steps on the other
breast.

Exercise No. 3:

Visit your garage at 3:00 a.m. when the temperature of the
concrete floor is just perfect (anywhere below 32 degrees).
Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the
floor with one breast wedged tightly under the rear tire of
the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the
breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and
repeat for the other breast.

CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are properly prepared for your
mammogram.