Misc Jokes

Cat Diary

Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that
keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving
around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded,
must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair . . . must
try this on their bed.

Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors
with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly
hours of the night.

Day 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescended about what a good little cat I was . . .
Hmmm. Not working according to plan . . .

Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For
no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time
however it included
a burning foaming chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds
could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece
of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of
the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
"allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage.

Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more
than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on
the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered
their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every
move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his
safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of
time . . .