Misc Jokes



Answering Machine Messages

1. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if
you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as
soon as we're finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons
is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already
sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If
you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me
enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you
are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

4. Hi. Now you say something.

5. Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is,
so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

7. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you
leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

8. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your
message to myself with one of these magnets.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of
receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or
a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity
through their office and do not need their picture taken. If
you're still with me, leave your name and number and they
will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your
name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think
about returning your call.

11. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't
like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's
you.

12. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone
right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until
I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home
cleaning our weapons right now or carving up a steak for the
pit bull and the rottweiller, and can't come to the phone.
Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave
a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to,
remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will
be used by us.

15. Hello, you've reached Paul and Molly. We can't pick up
the phone right now, because we're doing something we really
enjoy. Molly likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it
left to right . . . really slowly. So leave a message; and
when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.



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