Misc Jokes

Signs for the Stupid

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm
Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You
wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse
me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of
boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My
friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just
pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes
it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine,
we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol
stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all
catch all them fish?" "Nope - Talked 'em into giving up.
Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery
Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And
there's only one way to test it.
"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good...
They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell
us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but
hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of
those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks
out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said,
"Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. said, "Nope. I was
driving around and those other three just swelled right up on
me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came
over to the house and drove the car around for about 45
minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car,
reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn
that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have
stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The
truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I
tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop
shows up to take the report. He went through his basic
questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was clear of
needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?" I
couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the
rig and then back to him and said "no I'm delivering' a
bridge...here's your sign."