Misc Jokes

Life Observations

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

* I started out with nothing, I still have most of it

* My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran.

* I finally got my head together, now my body is falling
apart.

* Funny, I don't remember being absent minded

* All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.

* If all is not lost, where is it?

* It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

* Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

* I wish the buck stopped here. I sure could use a few ...

* Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the
back seat
cause kids.

* It's hard to make a comeback when you
haven't been anywhere.

* Only time the world beats a path to your door is if
you're in the bathroom.

* If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them
on my knees.

* When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?

* It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
depth.

-- Amen