Misc Jokes

Bumper Stickers

"All generalizations are false."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

"As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public
schools."

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him/her
sleep."

"Sex is a misdemeanor. . . The more I miss it, the meaner I
get!!"

"Montana -- At least our cows are sane!"

"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an
IDIOT!"

"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."

"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"Forget about World Peace. . . Visualize Using Your Turn
Signal!"

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be
happy."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a
cigarette."

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be
Assimilated."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "

"Auntie Em, Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog.
--Dorothy."

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."

"I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?"