Misc Jokes

Terrible Truths (and other principles of disaster)

1.Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.

2.Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than
you think.

3.Murphy's Third Law: In any field of
scientific endeavor, anything that

can go wrong will go
wrong.

4.Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a
possibility of several things going

wrong, the one that
will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

5.Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go
wrong, it will anyway.

6.Murphy's Sixth Law: If you
perceive that there are four possible ways in

which a
procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth
way,

unprepared for, will promptly develop.

7.Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go
from bad to

worse.

8.Murphy's Eighth Law: If
everything seems to be going well, you have

obviously
overlooked something.

9.Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature
always sides with the hidden flaw.

10.Murphy's Tenth
Law: Mother Nature is a bitch.

11.Murphy's Eleventh
Law: It is impossible to make anything foolproof,

because
fools are so ingenious.

12.Schmidt's Observation: All
things being equal, a fat person uses more

soap than a
thin person.

13.Nick the Greek's Law of Life: All
things considered, life is 9 to 5

against.

14.Nowlan's Theory: He who hesitates is not only lost, but
several miles

from the next freeway exit.

15.Van
Roy's Law: Honesty is the best policy - there's less
competition.

16.Van Roy's Truism: Life is a whole
series of circumstances beyond your

control.

17.Agnes' Law: Almost everything in life is easier to get
into than out of.

18.Clarke's Conclusion: Never
let your sense of morals interfere with doing

the right
thing.

19.Goda's Truism: By the time you get to the
point where you can make ends

meet, somebody moves the
ends.

20.Johnny Carson's Definition: The smallest
interval of time known to man

is that which occurs in
Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green

and the
taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

21.Wilner's
Observation: All conversations with a potato should be

conducted in private.

22.The Phone Booth Rule: A
quarter always gets the number nearly right.

23.Zall's Laws: (1) Any time you get a mouthful of hot soup,
the next thing

you do will be wrong. (2) How long a minute
is, depends on which side of

the bathroom door you're on.

24.Ettore's Observation: The other line moves faster.

25.Griffin's Thought: When you starve with a tiger,
the tiger starves last.

26.Manly's Maxim: Logic is
a systematic method of coming to the wrong

conclusion with
confidence.

27.Cann's Axiom: When all else fails,
read the instructions.

28.Macaluso's Doctrine: You've
never been as sick as just before you stop

breathing.

29.Knebel's Law: It is now proved beyond doubt that
smoking is one of the

leading causes of statistics.

30.The Law of Selective Gravity, or the Buttered-Side
Down Law: An object

will fall so as to do the most damage.

31.Stale's Law: No matter how careful one is in
resealing the inner liner

in a cereal box, it will tear
where it is glued to the box.

32.William's Law: There
is no mechanical problem so difficult that it

cannot be
solved by brute strength and ignorance.