Misc Jokes

Maxine's Tips for Entertaining

1. When one hosts a dinner party, it is essential that all
the place mats match, or, at the very least, that they all
come from the same fast-food restaurant.

2. Entertaining in your backyard? The key to a nice-looking
lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who's muscular and
shirtless.

3. My favorite party game is "Pin the Cleanup on the
Guests."

4. Nothing in the world is quite so entertaining as pouring
old milk into new containers before having guests over.

5. A good host must always be a STICKLER for attractive food
presentation! I always take the foil COMPLETELY OFF the TV
dinner before serving.

6. Getting your home in tiptop shape for a party can be fun
if you think of it as kicking dust bunny butt!

7. Take short cuts! I used to offer my guests instant
coffee. They kept whining for hot water to go with it.

8. The best way to prepare a roast is to make an aluminum
foil tent over your roasting pan. Similarly, the best way to
prepare for relatives is to pitch a tent in the backyard and
stay there until they leave.

9. When decorating for a party, be creative with regular
household items. Some people might just see a moldy shower
curtain with torn eyelets. What do I see? A new tablecloth.

10. The better you cook, the more likely your guests will
return. Which is why I'm not usually too hot in the kitchen.