Misc Jokes

Things That Take Years to Learn

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the
number of helicopters in it.

2. You should never say anything to a woman that even
remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see
an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

3. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are
above-average drivers.

4. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental
illness."

5. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.

6. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be "meetings."

7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests
is to annoy people who are not in them.

8. You should not confuse your career with your life.

9. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

10. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is
always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing
to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.