Misc Jokes



Two People - One Parachute

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane
with only one parachute. How would you react?


Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on
the jump anyway.


Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have
survived crashes just like this before.


Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the
parachute.


Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on
parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red
conditions.


Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the
airline.


Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take
the parachute in order to make your next appointment.


Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail
rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who
might like one too.


Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along
with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.


Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle
curtains and dental floss.


Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send
you a report on how well it worked.


Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without
proof that it will work in all cases.


Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually
exists.


English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the
parachute instructions.


Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions
in all four languages.


Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating
a parachute as well as a human being could.


Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at
regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.


Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute
reminds them of.


Dramaticist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop
the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a
parachute.


Artist: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.


Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell
them to work hard and not expect handouts.


Democrat: you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you
can cut the parachute into two equal pieces.


Libertarian: after reminding them of their constitutional
right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.


Terrorist: you shoot them and take the parachute.


Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it
is biodegradable.


Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take
the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other
person.


Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to
crash.


Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane
engine, it works fine.


Ross Perot: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take
you long to learn how to fix a plane.


Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be
hazardous to your health.


Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently
that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies
have shown no link whatsoever between airplane crashes and
death.



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