Misc Jokes

Two People - One Parachute

You are one of *two* people on a malfunctioning airplane
with only one parachute. How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on
the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have
survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the
parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on
parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red
conditions.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the
airline.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take
the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail
rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who
might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along
with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle
curtains and dental floss.

Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send
you a report on how well it worked.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without
proof that it will work in all cases.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually
exists.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the
parachute instructions.

Comparative Literature: you read the parachute instructions
in all four languages.

Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating
a parachute as well as a human being could.

Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at
regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

Psychoanalyst: you ask them what the shape of a parachute
reminds them of.

Dramaticist: you tie them down so they can watch you develop
the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a
parachute.

Artist: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Republican: as you jump out with the parachute, you tell
them to work hard and not expect handouts.

Democrat: you ask them for a dollar to buy scissors so you
can cut the parachute into two equal pieces.

Libertarian: after reminding them of their constitutional
right to have a parachute, you take it and jump out.

Terrorist: you shoot them and take the parachute.

Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it
is biodegradable.

Objectivist: your only rational and moral choice is to take
the parachute, as the free market will take care of the other
person.

Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to
crash.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane
engine, it works fine.

Ross Perot: you tell them not to worry, since it won't take
you long to learn how to fix a plane.

Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be
hazardous to your health.

Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently
that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies
have shown no link whatsoever between airplane crashes and
death.