Misc Jokes

Your Getting Old When . . .

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse
goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five
women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to
get those odds?

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get
tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too
old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow in the middle.

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never
ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the
same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow
down by his Doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and
choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that
caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to
take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it
will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its
way through Congress.

You're getting old when "getting lucky" means you find your
car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when your wife gives up fooling around
for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after
feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

You're getting old when these one liners all seem familiar.