Misc Jokes

Are YOU a problem thinker?

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at
parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one
thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a
social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself. But I
knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more
important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and
employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to
avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking,
"What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I
had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of
life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss
called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me
to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.

If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find
another one." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a
divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as
much as college professors, and college professors don't make
any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any
money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she
began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I
snarled as I stomped out the door.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, a
poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining
your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard
Thinker's Anonymous poster.Which is why I am what I am
today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week
it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we
avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped
thinking.